


Magnetic

by gingeraledrummer



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Explicit Language, F/M, Fluff, High School, It's like a remake of when Josh and Ty made the band, M/M, Other, Pre-Band, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, The Joshler tag is only like friendship wise, They're in High school though, ha i lied about the joshler tag just being for friendship, whoops gotcha
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-31
Updated: 2017-01-05
Packaged: 2018-04-12 05:21:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 31,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4466930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gingeraledrummer/pseuds/gingeraledrummer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tyler was fed up with life. He was failing every subject in school except reading and barely skidding by without summer school. When school starts back up again, he makes a total laughing stock of himself on the first day and that's the last straw. He decides to take his life. But after he wakes up in the hospital with the crazy haired kid who wore snapbacks and skinny jeans and had his ears pierced, things seem to get better. The boys bright smile and kind nature draw Tyler from his dark thoughts and depression and he doesn't want to say it but, he finds Josh Dun magnetic.</p><p>{ Update : this fic is dead sorry for the lies }</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1.

**Author's Note:**

> I have nothing to say other than A) No posting schedule it's gonna be really random B) Sorry if it's short? C) Enjoy D) Don't judge me for lack of knowledge on Depression and Anxiety. I can only get so much from Tumblr.

Tyler glared down at his packet, breathing heavily in frustration at the problems. He had already skipped past most of the problems,saying he would get back to them but knowing he would just fail this assignment. He bit his lip, trying to stave off the tears of frustration that were welling up behind his eyes. He gripped his pencil tightly, then turned around and stood up walking away from his desk to flop onto his bed. He took shaky breaths, deep breaths, fending off the coming panic attack.

 

He had attempted that dumb summer math packet over 50 times, each time ending in a panic attack or overwhelming frustration. He had manage to get 2 out of the 30 done, but he knew the rest were hopeless. He was never good at math, or any academic thing except for reading. He had always excelled in reading, his teachers always proud of the deep and heart-wrenching stories he wrote for assignments. His parents were proud of him and while he could not do academics, he was good with sports. Well, basketball really. His parents had raised him into it so now he was really good, and if any of the kids in his class had probably challenged him, he could win. Well, that was if he could get past his anxiety.

 

Tyler had calmed down by now, breathing slowly and staring at his white ceiling blankly. He glanced at the door that led him to the bathroom between his younger brother and his bedrooms. He sat up, running his hands through his hair and looking around his room. He grabbed his phone from the bedside table, turning it on and looking at the time.

 

“Damn it….” He mumbled at the illuminated numbers saying it was about 1 in the morning.

 

He wasn’t tired and this usually happened when he tried to work. His brain was alive and buzzing with all the effort he had put in so he stood up and left his room quietly. He crept along the hallway, careful not to wake anyone as he made his way downstairs. He walked into the kitchen, opening the fridge and squinting in the light before reaching in and grabbing a red bull and a leftover taco from Taco Bell. He made his way back to the hallway, opening the door to the basement and closing it after him, making his way quickly down the stairs. He set his drink and food on the table next to his piano and music station.

 

He smiled fondly at the electric piano, resting his fingers on the keys without pressing down. He turned in his chair, focusing on the laptop. He clicked around on it for a moment before selecting a song that he was working on. He clicked something and the song began playing, starting with a metronome. He turned, grabbing some papers and setting them on the rack. He began playing his piano to the simple kick drum base beat. A little later, the snare and electric drum kicked in on the computer and and Tyler began singing softly, looking at the words on the paper.

 

_“You will never know, what’s behind my skull. So won’t you say goodnight, so I can say goodbye.”_ He began, his eyes closed as he enveloped himself in the slow and sensual melody.

 

_“You will never know, what’s under my hair. So won’t you say goodnight, so I can say goodbye.”_

 

_“You will never know, what’s under my skin. So won’t you say goodnight, so I can say goodbye.”_

_“You will never know, what is in my veins. So won’t you say goodnight, so I can say goodbye.”_

 

The snare and kick drum faded out as he began on the next part, his eyes closed and only focused on the music, the real world just white noise in the back of his head.

 

_“Won’t you go to someone else’s dreams. Won’t you go to someone else’s head. Haven’t you taken enough from me. Won’t you torture someone else’s sleep.”_

The snare and kick drum entered yet again accompanied by a light chiming. His voice recorded on the computer was backup to his singing now. His voice getting stronger and louder as the song proceeded.

 

_“And you will never know, what I’m thinking of. So won’t you say goodnight, so I can say goodbye.”_

_“And you will never understand, what I believe. So won’t you say goodnight, so I can say goodbye.”_

 

The music disappeared and Tyler changed the setting on his piano and played that, his head bobbing to the beat as he played a small smile beginning to form. He looked at the lyrics and noticed they halted and he finished the piano part, turning over to his computer and beginning to mess with the music. He reached for his red bull, opening it quietly and taking a swig before grabbing the taco and eating a bite. He smiled at himself, finding his general diet hilarious. He focused back on his music, and when he finished the song he glanced at the time. The numbers read 3:00 in the morning and he cursed lightly. He would gladly stay down here all morning until school, but he knew it would kill him. He saved the song, closed his laptop and made his way quietly back upstairs.

 

He loved to make music, it was his escape, his way of letting himself loose to do whatever and say whatever he wanted to a melody of his making. When he made his songs, he made it a plan to get people to listen to them. He didn’t want to be heard, he wanted to be listened too. He wanted people to listen to the lyrics and understand and he wanted to reach out to the people just like him. Yet, he knew he probably wouldn’t get anywhere.

 

He crept into his room, flopping down onto his bed with a sigh, his eyes quickly drooping until he was dragged into the dark of sleep.


	2. 2.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Tyler tries to take his life. Trigger Warning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, don't judge me and Trigger Warning in case you didn't see it the first time. Also, sorry again if it's short.

 

Tyler groaned as his alarm started it’s relentless blaring. He rolled away from it, curling up and trying to block it out, but it was pointless. He already heard his family moving around and starting their day. He rolled over back over, slowly opening his eyes to his dimly lit room. Sunlight barely filtered through his curtains, giving his room an ominous look. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath then reaching out and blindly groping for his alarm clock and smacking the off button. He sat up slowly, stretching and running a hand through his longish fluffy hair.

 

He climbed out of bed, his eyes still closed in an attempt to sleep while he was walking around his room. He blindly found his dresser, finally opening his eyes to pick out some clothes. He pulled out a black sleeveless shirt that was quite baggy, but that’s how he liked it. He grabbed out his black skinny jeans and a black hoodie. It was his favorite outfit, all black clothes. He made his way to his bathroom, knocking to make sure his brother wasn’t in there. He grabbed a towel and turned on the shower, then turned on the sink, splashing cold water in his face to wake himself up. He stared at his reflection, taking deep breaths and going over in his head what to say if anyone spoke to him.

 

The mist from the shower soon clouded his reflection and he stared at his clouded reflection for a moment before stripping his boxers and climbing into the shower.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Tyler padded back into his room, scratching his head with the towel in a hasty attempt to dry it. He pulled his hoodie over his head, reveling in the warmth it provided him. It was generally cold in Ohio, so it wasn’t weird to wear hoodies at the end of August. He made his way to his desk, looking down at the math he attempted, before grabbing it hastily and shoving it in his bag along with his other things.

 

When he made his way downstairs, his sister was doing her makeup in the downstairs bathroom and his two brothers were arguing over who got the last pack of chips for lunch. Tyler sighed, smiling fondly at his family before dropping his bag and grabbing the Cheerios. He grabbed the bowl that was supposed to be Zack’s, and began pouring in the Cheerios. He frowned slightly, he didn’t like having Cheerios all the time, but his mom insisted on healthy things. He grabbed the milk and poured it and then his spoon, eating the cereal slowly. His mom sat down a moment later smiling sweetly him, his father walking in from the back door.

 

Tyler’s brothers soon enough had finished their pointless argument and were now eating, Tyler finishing his bowl and standing and putting it in the sink. He grabbed a bag of lunch from the counter and put it in his bag as well, humming to himself. He padded down into the basement, grabbing his laptop, brushing his fingers over his piano as he made his way back up the stairs.

 

“C’mon Tyler!” Zack said as he made his way out the door, followed by Jay and Madison shortly. Tyler grabbed his bag, making his way to the door, and taking a deep breath. He wasn’t going to panic, he was going to get through today with no mishaps, no attacks, nothing. He pulled on his galaxy vans, and made his way out to the car. His dad was in the driver's seat, Jay in the front and Zack in the back. Madison was going with their Mom to the high school their mom worked at. Tyler climbed in the back, closing the door and leaning against it and staring outside.

 

He hummed the tune of his song to himself, coming up with more lyrics in his head and writing them in his black journal. He always wrote the lyrics in way where if someone else were to read them, they wouldn’t understand it because it looked like a different language. He did it as a security measure, didn’t want anyone reading his problems to the wrong tune.

 

“Tyler, I expect you at basketball practice this afternoon.” His father said, breaking Tyler from his thoughts.

 

“Okay.” Tyler said, nodding at his father before turning and looking back outside the window. As they rode towards the school, Tyler noticed a boy riding on his skateboard. As they passed Tyler caught himself staring. He managed to see the boy was wearing a snapback with crazy black curls of hair peeking from under it. He wore a simple gray shirt, a gray zip up hoodie, black skinny jeans, and combat boots. As quickly as he was there, they turned a corner and he was gone. Tyler shifted to face forward, thinking about the boy. It was a small town, so you knew pretty much everyone your age by the time you were in high-school. That’s what confused Tyler, because he had never seen that boy before.

 

As they neared the school, Tyler began realizing he was actually going to be surrounded by hundreds of people all the time and none of them like him. He began hyperventilating, trying to keep it quiet as to not alert his family. The car rolled to a halt in one of the staff parking spaces, and his brothers immediately began climbing out. Tyler took his time, his heart pounding and his throat beginning to tighten from fear. He breathed deeply, closing his eyes and trying to calm himself. He scrambled for his phone, plugging in his headphones and starting to play a song. He began to calm, his eyes closed, his breathing slowing and his throat freeing up and he felt like he could breathe again.

 

He climbed from the car, slamming the door and staring at the steady stream of teenagers entering the high school. Most were laughing or playing with friends, some couples kissing each other and Tyler grimaced slightly at that. He took a deep breath, the music flowing into his ears calming him down as he made his way towards the doors. He tried to keep himself from getting to close to the other people, finding a gap in the groups to get inside the school and to his homeroom class. He shuffled inside, dropping his bag in a seat in the back corner, where he usually sat, dropping his head to the desk and staring at everyone from below his hood.

He observed everyone, finding his one and only friend in the whole school, Mark Eccleston. He noticed Mark looking around for him before navigating Tyler’s slightly raised hand and making his way to it.

 

“Hey Mark.” Tyler said with a grin, Mark grinning back at him.

 

“Hey Ty.” He said, patting Tyler’s shoulder fondly.

 

Mark and Tyler’s family were the only one’s who could touch Tyler without inducing a panic attack. Tyler would begin to panic if anyone else touched him so fondly and it wouldn’t end well, so he would generally try and avoid people. Tyler looked back at the people entering the classroom as Mark began editing a video on his phone. As Tyler watched the stream of people, his eyes caught on a snapback and he was looking at the kid with the skateboard. He held the skateboard tucked under his arm and he was walking awkwardly through the people and coming over to sit by Tyler and Mark.

 

Tyler didn’t realize he had been staring until the boy looked up and stared him straight in the eyes. Tyler stopped breathing, feeling a blush beginning to creep up his neck and he looked away, down at his desk to be exact. He began breathing quickly, a panic attack rising inside him.

 

_“Maybe the boy thought he was a weirdo and would begin spreading rumors or something or even hate him or he would-”_ Tyler thought, his breath speeding up, his music not helping as his mind raced with possible negatives to all of the things that just happened.

 

His thoughts were broken as someone tapped his shoulder and he fell from his seat in surprise. It made an awful lot of noise, for the boy’s skateboard had been close and he had kicked it over on his way to the ground. He looked up, eyes wide in panic to see who had touched him, his breathing quick and getting quicker as he felt everyone’s eyes boring into him. The boy stood, mouth open in shock, right by Tyler’s feet, his hand halted in mid-air. Tyler glanced around, his throat tightening and he began gasping for air.

 

Mark stood from his seat and bent down next to Tyler, resting a hand on his shoulder and Tyler’s head snapped to the side to look at Mark. He began to calm, seeing his friend next to him and his throat began to unclench. People had begun to mutter between themselves, throwing glances at Tyler and Mark. The boy bent down to help, reaching out a hand to which Mark smacked back, looking at the boy with hard eyes.

 

“I’m so- I didn’t- I was-” The boy began, struggling for words and Tyler hid his head in his knees.

 

“Just don’t touch him.” Mark said calmly, the hand on Tyler’s shoulder firmly beginning to try and pull up Tyler.

 

Tyler looked at Mark and Mark nodded towards the door, mouthing the words _“The Nurse”_ to him and Tyler nodded shakily. He stood up, his social anxiety going crazy and he was frozen, not wanting to move for the fear of humiliating himself more. Instead of moving towards the door, he sat down, burying his head in his hands yet again. He felt Mark’s presence as he sat next to him a hand resting on his shoulder yet again and Tyler relaxed, feeling comforted. He glanced up, seeing the sad and guilty look on the boy’s face as the boy stared down at his hand, scribbling on his skin with a sharpie.

 

_“I’m such a fucking mess-up.”_ Tyler thought to himself as he buried his head back in his arms, the class beginning.

 

_“Just a fucking screw up.”_  He thought, tears beginning to push from behind his eyes and stream down his cheeks and he sobbed quietly.

 

He raised his hand tentatively as the teacher began explaining in a boring voice their schedules.

 

“Yes Mr. Joseph?” The teacher said loudly and Tyler breathed deeply.

 

He put his head up, continuing to stare at his desk and he took a few more deep breaths.

 

“Can I go to the nurse?” He mumbled, just audibly enough for the teacher to hear.

 

“Why, might I ask?” The teacher said with a huff.

 

“I feel like I’m gonna be sick.” He said and he could hear the teacher’s eye roll in the sigh he gave.

 

“Go.” He said, then began droning on.

 

It wasn’t a lie, he felt like he was going to be sick, and at the same time he felt like he was falling and never stopping. He hurriedly stood, knocking over the boy’s skateboard again and cursing himself for it. He rushed out of the class, feeling everyone’s eyes on him as he made a hasty retreat, turning to the left to make his way towards the Nurse’s office. Instead of taking the other left to her office, he turned right, going to the bathroom. He pushed open the door, turning and locking it behind him before going over to the sink and running the water. He had always questioned what a good reason for the lock on the door, but now he had one. He breathed shakily, fear setting in as he stared at himself in the mirror.

 

Tears were streaking from his eyes and he breathed quickly, looking at all the things he hated about himself. He was too skinny, he wasn’t strong, he was gaunt and he wasn’t good enough.

 

“I’m not important.” He said to himself quietly. “The world won’t miss me.”

 

He reached into his pocket, pulling out a small paper towel, unwrapping the small razorblade inside and taking it with shaky hands. He stared at it breathing shakily. It wasn’t the first time he had ever thought about taking his life. So many times he had thought about it but he was never brave enough to do it. He had been going through this for too long, messing everything up, humiliating himself, just being an all around failure. The only thing he could do was make music and play basketball. He wouldn’t be able to make a career from music and he didn’t want to do basketball his whole life. He was never going to make it in anything or anywhere so he knew it was best he just be gone.

 

He breathed deeply, trying to calm the fear bubbling like acid inside him. He rolled up his sweater sleeves, looking at the pale scars on his skin and the new pink ones that had been done only recently. Tears began welling up behind his eyes again, and he couldn’t stop them from flowing down his cheeks as he began sobbing.

 

“I’m sorry Mark.” He sobbed, pressing the cool metal to his skin.

 

“I’m sorry Mom.” He sobbed again, pulling the blade across his skin as it made a clean cut, blood beginning to leak from the wound.

 

“I’m sorry Dad.” Another cut.

 

“I’m sorry Jay.” He said, transferring the blade to his other hand and cutting over his right wrist.

 

“I’m sorry Zack.” Another cut.

 

“I’m sorry Madison.” He sobbed, making one last cut and opening his eyes to look at the blood pouring from his wrist into the sink.

 

He dropped to the floor, tears stinging his eyes now and his wrists as they landed on the cuts, his body already beginning to numb around the area.. He began to feel weak, his wrists lying limply in his lap as his tears slowed, his head resting against the brick wall. The crimson liquid pattered onto the tile floor, making a dark beat in the quiet of the restroom. Tyler’s vision began blurring at the edges when he heard the doorknob to the bathroom rattle. He sighed, weakly glancing over to the door as the jiggling turned to pounding.

  
  
“Open the door!” A voice cried and Tyler barely recognized it as the boy.

 

The pounding increased as Tyler’s vision began to fade to black. The pounding stopped as the jiggling pursued, until there was a click and the boy was entering the bathroom. He saw Tyler there and Tyler heard a scream and someone by his side, a hand on his shoulder, warmth for a moment from the contact, then everything was dark.

 


	3. 3.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler finds himself saved.

What awoke Tyler wasn’t his body healing, it wasn’t a family member, it was the sound of a song.

 

The lyrics and the tune had wove themselves into his darkness and fears, pushing them away and pulling him towards the light and away from his mind. The tune became clearer the closer he came to the light and he suddenly went from flying, to falling. He felt as if he had fell from a 10 story building and was still alive, but except he just ached horribly and his head felt like it was splitting in two. His eyes opened slightly, light filtering through the crack and making his head hurt even more. He groaned, closing his eyes and content with keeping them there so not to worsen the pain in his head. He had not noticed that his brother’s and sister were in the room and they had been the ones playing the music, so when he felt hands on him his eyes jolted open and he jerked away from the touch, his eyes landing on his siblings.

 

He yelped in pain from the movement and the searing pain that erupted inside his head and he squeezed his eyes shut. He breathed deeply, trying to ignore the pain and trying to focus on how the hell he was alive and where the hell he was. The music had stopped and now he heard the beeping of a heart monitor, the warmth of liquids being pumped into his veins, and the coolness of the bedsheets on his legs. He tentatively opened his eyes to see that Madison was crying quietly, a hand on his arm and one over her mouth as tears streamed from her cheeks. He could see the black smudges on her cheeks telling him that she had done a-lot of crying and her mascara had run. Her cheeks were flushed and eyes puffy as well and he felt a pang of guilt straight to his heart. Next to her Zack was biting his lip and trying to prevent the tears from falling but it was to no avail because tears began to roll down his cheek in a schizophrenic pattern. His eyes were also red and puffy and his lip looked worn like he had spent hours biting it. Tyler bit his own lip, looking over at Jay as another guilt knife stabbed him in the heart. Jay was just staring at him, eyes also red and puffy but no tears, his face set. Tyler grimaced as another stab of guilt hit him in the heart and he looked down at his hands, his wrists. He had forgotten all about the pain in his head by now, guilt reigning over the splitting sensation.

 

He stared at his wrists, bandages covering the area with the cuts fully so you couldn’t see anything and he bit his lip hard. Tears pricked the edges of his eyes and he blinked, causing them to slip down his cheeks and he sniffled, taking a shaky breath. He looked up at them all in turn, eyes wide and pleading for forgiveness as he let the tears fall from his cheeks.

 

“I’m sorry….” He said in a cracked voice.

 

Madison rubbed his arm and nodded, then leaned down and gave him a hug, a tight hug like she was protecting him and was never going to let him go. Tyler reached up weakly, gripping her arm the best he could and resting his head against her shoulder. He heard footsteps departing and he felt Madison move away and he gave her a small smile and looked over to see Zack was gone. His face fell a little, and as his parents walked into the room, his heart broke in half and he stopped breathing for a moment. His mother’s face was flushed and she looked exactly like Madison except seeing her like this made him hurt so badly. He glanced at his father and his eyes were red and tears were coming from his eyes as he silently cried as he made his way over to his son. Tyler sobbed, no longer being able to keep quiet as his mother wrapped him in an embrace and he just sobbed into her soldier, managing to hiccup “I’m sorry.” in between each sob. He held his mother as tight as he could as she whispered “It’s okay.” after each of his apologies, his father running his hand through Tyler’s hair, soothing him. After what seemed like hours of crying, Tyler’s sobs began to slow and his grip weakened. His mother held him for a little longer, before letting him go and Tyler lay back his mind clouding with the loss of energy from his crying and he sniffled as he lay back.

 

“I’m sorry….” He whispered one last time, his eyes fluttering shut as sleep began to overtake him and pull him down.

 

“We forgive you.” His mother whispered back, kissing him on the head before they all left the room so he could sleep, his music still playing dimly in the background.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

When Tyler awoke, this time there was the sound of someone rhythmically patting their legs to the drums of Tyler’s song that was playing. He listened for a moment, his head aching still but more of a horrible throb than a splitting sensation. He tentatively opened his eyes, the throb only worsening slightly and he sighed in relief before blinking them open more. This time, there were small presents beside his bed. They were just black clothes, a Taco Bell gift card, a new iPhone, and a new laptop. He chuckled at the Taco Bell gift card, picking it up weakly and smiling. He heard the patting stop and shuffling and he looked up, half expecting it to be Mark but he was mistaken.

 

Instead, the boy stood there, wearing a snapback to hide his hair, where messy black curls peeked out and he was biting his lip and fiddling with his shirt. His shirt was a plaid short sleeve button down, black skinny jeans, and black combat boots. His hat was on backwards and he was fiddling with the hem of his shirt, his other hand rubbing nervously over his shirt as if to smooth it. Tyler stared at him, breathing quickening and his heart rate picking up, the machine beeping quicker. The boy’s eyes widened in fear and guilt and he looked down, and Tyler began to calm. As Tyler looked at him, pieces of memory from when he was dying in the bathroom came back to him. His breath caught in his throat as he remembered. This boy was the one who had saved his life. He opened his mouth to say something and the boy turned, rummaging through his bag and bringing out a bag from Taco Bell and he had a lopsided grin on as he held it up as if to show it.

 

“I uh I heard that you liked Taco Bell so I snuck some in. I don’t know if you should have it but I figured it would cheer you up.” He said, taking a deep breath before speaking.

 

Tyler gave a small smile and chuckled slightly and the boy smiled a bit.

 

“Well, I don’t think I should either.” Tyler said, but gave a small grin. “But, I’m starving and that smells really good.”  
  


Tyler felt a bit better at the boy’s smile and he sat up more as he walked over, sitting in the chair beside the bed and setting the bag on Tyler. Tyler opened the bag and took a whiff and big smile erupted onto his face at the smell of the Taco meat and all of the dressings on it. He reached in and felt a cool metal, bringing it out to see a Red Bull and his grinned became wider. He had forgotten that the boy stood there until he heard a small breathy laugh and he looked at the boy. He felt himself blush a little because he just realised he had been looking a fool right in front of the boy and he gave a nervous smile. He found himself giving a genuine smile as he looked at the other boy. The boy had a wide smile, teeth showing and the tip of his tongue right in between. The smile made his eyes squint and little wrinkles appear but it was one of the best things Tyler had seen since he was in here and he laughed.

 

“Sorry about all that.” He said nervously, biting at his lip and picking at the sheets.

 

The boy smiled at him and shook his head before shrugging as his wide grin turned into a small closed smile and he gestured to the bag.

 

“I also heard that you liked Red Bull so I snuck that in too.” He said and Tyler nodded.

 

“I uh, I never caught your name.” Tyler said as he set down the drink and pulled out a taco, offering it to the boy who took it hesitantly.

 

“It’s Josh. Josh Dun.” The boy, Josh, said, the corner of his mouth forming a smile.

 

“I’m Tyler Joseph, obviously.” Tyler said and warmth flooded him as he finally met Josh.

 

Josh opened his mouth to say something but was cut of as Tyler’s stomach began to roar and Tyler felt his cheeks heat up with yet another blush. Josh chuckled and Tyler squeezed his eyes shut and sighed, burying his face in his hands before opening one eye to look at Josh tentatively.

 

“I believe we should eat the food.” Josh said with a breathy laugh and Tyler nodded.

 

They ate in silence, occasionally stopping to tell a little bit about each other and their families. Tyler found that he could open up to Josh easier than anyone else in his life, even Mark and that was a very odd thought. As they were eating Tyler noticed Josh tapping his foot to the drums of Tyler’s song, but only the kick drum part.

 

“I heard you drumming your hands on your legs to my song earlier.” Tyler said and Josh smiled sheepishly.

 

“I wanna be a drummer so I’ve been practicing and I was listening to your song and picked up the beat.” Josh said into his taco, before taking a bite, a small blush on his face.

 

Tyler nodded taking another bite of his taco and washing it down with some Red Bull before he heard his unfinished song begin to play. Tyler listened to it, trying to come up with a name in his head as he listened to the lyrics.

  
  


“I also like your songs. They’re meaningful and there's more to them than what you hear on the surface.” Josh said as he crumpled up his wrapper, pulling Tyler from his thoughts and inducing another blush.

 

“Thanks. I don’t generally show people my songs until I feel that they’re actually ready. I guess my parents knew that it would bring me from my stupor, and it did.” Tyler said with a shrug, giving a small chuckle.

 

After his song finished another came on, this one a familiar and a favorite one. He closed his eyes and leaned back as he listened to it. He had named it “Kitchen Sink” after something that had happened to him at a kitchen sink. He would never disclose that information because that’s what made it personal to him, giving his song meaning. He listened to his and his brothers rapping, letting the words sink in as it always did when he listened to it. A few stray tears began to make their way down his cheeks as he listened. He took a shaky breath as it ended and the next song, “Glowing Eyes”, began playing and it was a happier sounding song and he rubbed his eyes and opened them to look at Josh who was staring off into space, obviously listening to the songs.

 

“Sorry…” Tyler mumbled and Josh’s head snapped back to face him.

 

“Don’t apologize.” Josh said, shaking his head. “It obviously means allot to you. The lyrics seemed important so you have right to feelings.”

 

Tyler gave him a small smile. He felt comfortable around Josh, like they had known each other for the longest time. Josh returned the smile and Tyler began to absently sing along to the song. He didn’t notice Josh’s smile as he sang, his hands twitching as he began to get into the music and as the drumming flowed through his ears he looked at Josh, who had closed his eyes and began drumming along on his lap.

 

“Hey uh, do you wanna do the drums for my songs? It would be easier than doing it all on my laptop.” He mumbled, picking again at the bedsheets, sparing a glance to Josh.

 

Josh’s face was so bright and happy, and his mouth was open slightly in the beginnings of a smile. Tyler smiled back at Josh, his smile making Tyler feel happy and it was indeed infectious.

 

“I’ll take that as a yes.” Tyler said and Josh blushed and gave a nervous chuckle, adjusting his snapback with a small smile.

 

“Uh, yeah, sorry. I just got really excited.” Josh said and Tyler chuckled.

 

“I noticed.” He said and Josh blushed even more, hiding his face in his hands.

 

A nurse came in and upon seeing the Taco Bell bag scolded Josh who lifted his head and gave a sheepish grin. He turned and looked at Tyler who was snickering into his hands as the nurse came over to shoo Tyler away. Tyler looked at Josh, who looked back at him as he grabbed his bag and when the nurse wasn’t looking he mouthed: “I’ll bring you some tomorrow.” Tyler nodded slightly and Josh disappeared down the corridor and the clean room didn’t feel so warm and homely with the disappearance of his new friend. He noticed the nurse smiling at him and he smiled back at her and she rested a hand on his shoulder.

 

“Is he your friend?” She said and Tyler nodded. “He makes you happy. We should bring him in more often.”

 

“Yeah, he’s cool.” Tyler said contentedly as the nurse injected something into his IV bag that made him feel warm and sleepy.

 

“I bet. Now, you get some rest and I’ll put these over here.” The nurse said in a soothing voice, taking his presents and setting them in the chair beside his bed.

 

Tyler nodded, already feeling the warm blanket of sleep beginning to cover him as he watched the nurse check his vitals and everything before touching his hair. Tyler smiled, then let himself be fully covered in sleep, feeling comforted and happy for the first time in a very long time.


	4. 4.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler and Josh's friendship grows? I-I don't know how to summarize it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize if it's short.

For the weeks that Tyler was in the Hospital, Josh would visit after Tyler’s family. He would come with Mark sometimes or he would come alone. The nurse noticed Tyler was feeling better after each visit from Josh, rather than his family. They noticed that he would be happy for a longer period of time if both Josh and Mike were here so they often invited them back, saying that they improved his mental state. Josh would bring Tyler little things like Taco Bell or a song that he had heard that he thought Tyler might get inspiration from. Tyler had ended up writing 2 more songs and managing to finish them with his new laptop.

 

Tyler typed away at his laptop, writing up more lyrics to another song he had yet to name. He had headphones inserted and he was creating a new tune, clicking and typing fiercely with the whole world shut out. He didn’t notice Josh come in today wearing a huge grin. His head in the music he jumped slightly as he felt a hand land on his shoulder, looking up with allot less speed than he used to. He couldn’t help but smile as he met Josh’s smiling face and he paused his music, pulling himself from his creative flow and tugging out his headphones and running his hand through his hair.

 

“Hey Josh.” Tyler said, warmth filling him as he saw his friend.

 

“Sup. I just heard some great news from your doctor.” He said with a big grin.

 

“What?” Tyler said, shuffling a bit to sit up more, staring at Josh intently.

 

“He said that you’re getting out tomorrow! Your vitals are fine and you’re doing better and your body is doing fine! You’re back up to blood count and everything.” Josh said, fidgeting with his shirt in obvious excitement.

 

Tyler felt a pang of sadness as he realised that, although it’s great Josh told him, he wished his family had told him. School would be over by now so Zack, Madison, and Jay should have been able to visit. Tyler noticed Josh’s smile begin to fade as he was caught in his thoughts and turned to Josh and noticed Josh giving him a worried look. Tyler opened his mouth, then closed it, then scratched the back of his neck before taking a deep breath.

 

“That’s good news it is, it’s just, why couldn’t my family tell me?” Tyler said, sadness evident in his voice.

 

He looked up at Josh, to see Josh nodding in understanding before a small smile appeared on his face as Tyler’s family filtered into the room and his chest bubbled with happiness as he eagerly hugged his sister, burying his face in her shoulder for a moment. He took turns, hugging them and he heard his mother let out a choked sob. Tyler hugged her tightly, holding her until he felt her begin to pull away. He smiled at her and she smiled back and then Mark, who told him about a film contest his movie won. Tyler noticed a girl with ginger hair standing in the back of the group next to Josh, holding his hand and Tyler quirked an eyebrow. Josh stepped up with her and probably noticed Tyler’s questioning look because he answered the unspoken question.

 

“This is my girlfriend, Debby. We got together while you were in here. She’s really nice and understood my whole social anxiety thing.” Josh said with a smile, kissing her cheek.

 

Tyler felt a pang of sadness, not sure why exactly but the knowledge hurt. Nonetheless, Tyler shook her hand and gave her a hug in greeting, then gave Josh a friendly hug. He heard his mother clap and they all turned their attention to her.

 

“Since today is Tyler’s last night, I would like to say something.” His mother said and Tyler blushed slightly.

 

“Mom it’s not like I’m going off to college.” Tyler joked and everyone gave a small laugh.

 

“I know, but I want to thank someone.” She said and she turned her gaze towards Josh whom, Tyler noticed, blushed slightly.

 

“I want to thank Josh for finding Tyler and calling the ambulance as soon as he saw him. If it wasn’t for Josh, Tyler wouldn’t be here with us today. I would like to thank God for the ambulance getting to them in time and for the staff of this hospital being able to save him. Thank you Josh and God.” His mother said and everyone murmured their agreement.

 

Tyler smiled, an overwhelming warmth filling him as he looked at Josh, who smiled at him. He was happy he had been saved because he would have missed out on all of this.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Tyler was back at school, he was released on Friday and came back that Monday. Apparently the whole school knew about his suicide attempt so when he walked into school that day, everyone was being nice to him and he nearly had a panic attack from all of the contact. About 5 minutes into the day and he was surrounded by a bunch of people who were trying to give him things or comfort him and he was beginning to breath faster. He was a second from screaming when he heard Mark and Josh telling the people to go away before they give him a heart attack and he chuckled slightly because he knew that might actually happen. The people dispersed, sending hateful looks their way and Mark returned them before sitting next to Tyler and patting his shoulder. Josh sat where he sat the day they met, right in front of Josh and Tyler smiled at him.

 

“Thanks for that guys.” Tyler said, giving a small smile.

 

“Well, we know how you are about allot of people surrounding you.” Josh said, then bit his lip. “You know you’re gonna have to be able to get past that if you want to play in front of people.”

 

Tyler felt a little hurt at that but nodded, taking a breath. It also angered him a bit because Josh is also bad in social situations.

 

“I know. You will too y’know.” Tyler said with a small edge and Josh flinched.

 

“I know, sorry. I am able to get past it because I feel like I’m hidden behind the drums and nobody can see me. It makes me feel safer, yet at the same time I don’t like it. I want to be different then those other bands. I don’t want to sit in one spot the whole show, I want to move around and interact with the crowd. As long as I know what I’m doing I won’t mess up.” Josh said, staring at the ground, looking up and making eye contact with Tyler.

 

Tyler just stared back, his brain totally on track with what Josh had said. Tyler felt the same. He didn’t want people to remember his shows he would have just because the music, he wanted them to remember them for the show they put on. He wanted to hear people talking about the stunts and crazy things that they did.

 

“I feel the same. I think I’ll just do what I do when I’m alone. I’ll escape from the fact that there are people watching and I’ll just put on the show. I’ll have to wake-up sometimes to actually put on a show.” Tyler said, giving a little laugh at the end.

 

“And if you guys ever get famous, I’ll make your music videos and stuff.” Mark shrugged and Tyler smiled broadly.

 

“That would be awesome!” Tyler said and he opened his mouth to say something but the teacher interrupted and he closed his mouth.

 

“Today, someone has been brought back to us and has been saved from death. Everyone please give your love to Tyler Joseph…..” The teacher started and Tyler felt his throat tightening as everyone’s eyes laid on him.

 

He closed his eyes and breathed, feeling his throat relax and he gave a nervous smile and looked at Mark then Josh. One crowd down, the rest of the school next.

 

 


	5. 5.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Great news.

Tyler bent over his reading homework, finishing up a few grammatical errors on the essay before setting it aside and checking the clock. The illuminated numbers read 1:30 and Tyler groaned, pulling a hand through his hair and standing up from his desk and stretching. It had been a week or so since he had started school and it had been going well. He was still working on talking in front of people, able to talk in front of his classmates for presentations with only a few complications, which he worked out with a quick glance at Josh and Mark. He was no longer ignored in class and some people would actually talk to him, but he prefered to just hang out with Josh and Mark.

 

He ran his hand over his face as nervous butterflies flitted around his stomach, making him wide awake. He needed sleep and he knew it, but he couldn’t. He sat down, resting his head against the wall with an agitated sigh. Josh and Mark were probably sleeping fine, knowing what was coming tomorrow but of course Tyler couldn’t.

 

He smiled at the thought of his best friends. They had been working together on the band idea and so far, Josh was able to drum all of the songs he had made. They had made a few more, like “Be Concerned” and “Forest”. He had a blast making them too, all of them cracking jokes and being total idiots. Once or twice Debby came and watched, bringing along her friend Jenna, making Tyler extremely flustered at having a small audience. Well, that was half of it. The other half was Jenna because Tyler just thought she was an absolute dime piece. He never told anyone though, but Josh and Mark figured it out.

 

~~Flashback~~

 

_After Debby and Jenna had left, Josh had a huge grin on plastered on his face as he meandered over to his friend._

_“You like Jenna don’t you.” He said and Tyler couldn’t resist the blush._

_“No!” He said, his face a bright red, inducing a laugh from Josh._

_“You totally do. You’re a bad liar and it’s written all over your face.” Josh chuckled._

_Tyler glared at him playfully before smiling and rolling his eyes and putting away his music. “Okay, yeah. So what if I do?”_

_“No so what, it’s just I wanted to know.” Josh smiled, beginning to take apart his drumset._

_Mark trotted back into the room, an exhilarated smile on his face as he waltzed over to them._

_“What’s got you all psyched?” Tyler mused, looking up from his cleaning._

_“Well, Ty I know you’ve been wanting to work on playing in front of people and you guys have been practicing real hard on these songs.” Mark began, obtaining Tyler’s attention._

_“And?” Josh said, walking over with a rapt expression painting his face._

_Mark seemed to be holding back, but he gave a sigh and waved his arm as if to dismiss the invisible forces telling him what to do. “I got us a gig!” He exclaimed, his expression electrified._

_“Seriously!?” Tyler heard Josh exclaim._

_“Th-That’s great!” Tyler spluttered, at a loss for words at the moment._

_“I know right! It’s at the Apple Store.” Mark said, puffing out his chest with a smirk and Tyler smiled._

_His smile faded within a moment and he bit his lip in concentration and thought, pondering a problem. Josh and Mark must have noticed because they stopped their celebrating to look at him with wide eyes._

_“Ty, there can’t possibly be a problem with this.” Josh said, giving an exasperated._

_“Well, how will we spread the word?” Tyler said, resuming the biting of his lip as he thought._

_“Posters.” Mark said almost instantly, causing the other two to look at him with eyebrows raised in question. “I did have a plan guys. Just needed the place and time and I could print them.”_

_“Oh thank God.” Josh said and Tyler gave a relieved sigh._

_“We’ll hang them tomorrow. The shows in a week on Saturday.” Mark said._

**_~~Currently~~_ **

 

Tyler smiled at the memory, warmth filling him as he remembered how happy they were after all problems were solved. Mark had gotten a friend to take care of ticket sales and stuff, and the show had a little over half the tickets sold. They only made 60 tickets because not everyone can fit and 45 tickets had been sold. It made him pretty happy and excited people actually wanted to come.

 

He was standing again, pacing the room as his mind went wild with ideas for the show, for what they were going to do and everything. He began writing down the setlist for what he was going to do and he began writing up what he was going to say afterwards, before throwing it all away as his mind went wild. He grabbed a new sheet, scribbling words and ideas down before a single thought tore his creativity and happiness apart.

 

**_“What if nobody likes your songs?”_** His doubt hissed at him in his head and he stopped.

 

The thought bloomed and infected his mind with darkness and destructive thoughts that made him tug at his hair and overthink.

 

**_“What if people leave because they thought your songs were dumb?”_** The next thought snaked it’s way into his mind.

 

**_“What if they hate the show?” “What if you become the joke of the town?” “What if everyone thinks it was a waste of money?”_** So many more doubts crowded his head, leaving no crevice for a single happy thought and he scrambled for his phone, the thought of Josh sleeping blown from his mind like a leaf in the wind.

 

He unlocked it, finding Josh’s contact and calling him, his breathing fast and his heart racing as he began to have a panic attack and tears began rolling down his face as he thought more and more about being hated and failure and-

 

_“Ty? What’s wrong?”_ Josh’s voice pierced his thoughts and he gasped for air.

 

“I wanna cancel the show.” He choked out.

 

_“What!? Ty what’s wrong?”_ Josh said and he heard shuffling on the other side of the phone.

 

“I wanna cancel the show. I’m going to choke and mess it up and nobody’s going to like our songs and they’re gonna think we’re a waste of time and-”

 

_“Ty, breathe.”_ Josh cut him off, his voice calm.

 

Tyler stopped rambling to take deep breaths, the movement on the other side of the phone continuing. Tyler continued to breathe heavily until the tears ceased to roll down his cheeks and his breathing was only slightly stuttering, his heart at a normal pace.

 

_“Are you good?”_ Josh said.

 

Tyler nodded, forgetting Josh couldn’t see him.

 

“I-I’m good. I’m sorry. I couldn’t sleep and I began thinking about the show and then I started thinking about the possibilities of failure and I couldn’t call Mark because you understand my anxiety and panic attacks and I’m rambling again.” Tyler said, hiccuping a few times.

 

_“It’s okay Ty. We’re gonna do fine, just be yourself out there. Get some sleep because you’ll need it.”_ Josh said, the movement on his side of the phone stopping.

 

Tyler breathed deeply again and nodded.

 

“O-Okay. Thanks bro.” Tyler said. “Um, what are you doing anyway?”

 

_“I was going over the songs again in my head and right now I’m getting some food and my cat.”_ Josh said and Tyler chuckled.

 

“You need sleep too, loser. Go to sleep.” Tyler said.

 

_“Alright, whatever. Bye.”_ Josh said.

 

Tyler bade him farewell, exhausted from the panic attack and he crawled into bed, under the covers and let sleep pull him into her embrace.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Tyler was pacing in the other room as he watched people filter in, taking up seats around the small area where there stuff was placed. He saw Mark on the side with his camera, setting up to film the show so they could watch it over. Tyler turned around and saw Josh fiddling with the hem of his shirt and running a hand over his chest as he breathed heavily. He wore his usual snapback, dark messy curls showing from the edges, black skinny jeans, and a button up with blue, yellow, and blush stripes. Tyler had on a blue sweatshirt and black skinny jeans, his keytar over his shoulder like a guitar would be and he wrung his hands nervously, pacing and chewing his lip.

 

He heard tapping on the mic and the collective noise go silent.

 

“Hi, I’m Mark Eschelman, the current director and manager of this band. It’s their first show and I’d like to thank you guys for coming out. So, with no more delay…” Mark said, his words fading to white noise as Tyler heard his heartbeat.

 

He saw Mark gesture to the door and he looked at Josh and began walking out, his breathing steady, and his heartbeat normal. As he walked through the doors, he heard the applause of the small crowd, loud in his ears, before everything collectively calmed and he could hear correctly. He closed his eyes as he heard Josh take his place behind the drums and he took a deep breath and opened his eyes. He looked back at Josh who stretched his arms before looking at Tyler, giving a smile and thumbs up. Tyler smiled back, nodding curtly before turning back to the crowd. He took the mic in his hand and gave a small smile to the crowd, using his free hand to bring his keytar around to the front.

 

“We’re Twenty One Pilots and we hope you enjoy our show.”

 

 


	6. 6.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a chapter, read it.

Adrenaline pumped through Tyler’s veins as he managed to walk into the other room after the show had ended. As soon as he was out of the view of all the people and the door was shut behind Josh, he broke into a goofy grin and started jumping up and down and shaking his hands. He looked at Josh who was also smiling, the happiness contagious and Josh was running his hands through his hair and shaking them out and pacing around. Tyler’s mind raced with all the events and what had just happened. It’s not like it had been an exciting crowd, the people had been pretty chill and mellow. Nevertheless, the applause for them after the show was what had given Tyler the impression it was a successful show.

 

“We did it. We played a show!” Tyler said, looking at Josh who’s smile got wider.

 

Tyler, full of adrenaline, nearly pounced on Josh as he hugged him, happiness exploding like fireworks through his system. It was the happiest he had ever been and it never felt so good. Josh hugged him back, giving him a brotherly pat on the back before they both broke away with awkward shuffles and downcast glances. Tyler began pacing, shaking his head and hands occasionally as an output for the pent up energy. The door opened and Tyler looked over to see Mark, Jenna, and Debby walking in with smiles.

 

“They loved it!” Mark said, and Tyler didn’t even realise he had been thinking about that.

 

He hugged Mark, wrapping an arm around him and patting his back with the other hand. Mark returned the hug, ruffling his hair and laughing. Tyler didn’t realise it, but he was giving all of them hugs. He hugged Josh again, a big bear hug, then Debby, a less aggressive hug. With all the adrenaline coursing through his veins, he felt like he could do anything and when he got to Jenna he grabbed her face and kissed her. Then, he realised what he was doing and he pulled back, his face a bright red and his mouth opening and closing as words flew from his mind.

 

“Oh my gosh.” Debby said, a smile blooming on her features.

 

“You actually did it Ty.” Josh said with a satisfied nod and a smirk pulling at his mouth.

 

“I really didn’t mean to it was the adrenaline and I wasn’t thinking and I really like you Jenna and that was a total accident it was just a reaction and you were there and I’m so so sorry I just won’t talk to you ever again.” Tyler rambled, throwing his hands over his face in embarrassment.

 

Jenna didn’t speak, just put her hand over her mouth. Tyler stared at her, not saying a word and her eyes closed. Then, she started giggling. Then she started laughing and Tyler was absolutely dumbfounded. His mouth hung open in shock that she wasn’t yelling at him or chastising him and she walked over to him, still laughing, placing a hand on his cheek and smiling at him.

 

“I don’t mind you talking to me and i don’t mind you kissing me. I like you too Joseph.” She said, leaning in and kissing his cheek and winking at him.

 

“Now c’mon Debby, we have to go shopping.” Jenna said, which was an obvious lie by the way Debby looked utterly shocked as she was dragged from the room.

 

Tyler watched them go, his face a bright red and his mouth sealed shut and his body rigid. Josh and Mark walked over to him, Josh resting a hand on his shoulder and raising an eyebrow. Mark waved his hand in front of Tyler’s face with a grin playing at his lips. Tyler looked at both of them and swallowed before relaxing.

 

“I didn’t expect that to happen or go well at all.” Tyler said softly, running a hand through his hair and over his face.

 

Josh and Mark laughed, patting his back and leaving the room, Tyler scuttling after them, still blushing at the thought of what had just happened.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Tyler lay with his eyes closed on his couch in the basement, a content smile on his face. He had just had the best day ever and he deserved a little bit of a relax time. His self titled album: _“No Phun Intended”_ was playing through the basement, relaxing Tyler but at the same time igniting a forest of emotions inside of him. Sucked into the music and not paying attention to the world, again, Tyler didn’t hear Josh come downstairs and sit on the edge of the couch by Tyler’s feet.

 

Tyler heard the song end, tears pushing at the corners of his eyes and he sighed heavily, wiping them away with a sweater paw. He opened his eyes and the scream he let out could be compared to that of a small child. Not to mention him jumping back and somehow managing to fall off the couch and knock over a stack of papers. When his focus returned, he was staring at a Josh who was doubled over and nearly crying from how hard he was laughing. Tyler huffed, crossing his arms over his chest and glaring at Josh before reaching behind him and turning off the music and grabbing a pillow. He hurled it as hard as he could at Josh from his position on the floor and it hit Josh on the side of the face pretty hard, making Josh topple off of the couch and land with a shocked face, no longer laughing.

 

Tyler was laughing now, laying back and laughing so hard that he felt his breath escaping him and he rolled over onto his stomach and pushed himself up, still laughing heavily. He turned to look at Josh and a well aimed pillow hit him in the face and he fell back on his butt from the sudden assault on his face. He heard Josh laughing again and he frowned playfully at him. He found himself smiling and he grabbed a pillow, picking himself up to a crouch before he was launching at Josh. He jumped over Josh, quickly turning on his heels and smacking an ill prepared Josh right in the face with the pillow and giving a triumphant “Hah!”.

 

He laughed as Josh scrambled to get up and let out a cry as Josh lunged for him with a grin. He turned quickly, running away from the older boy and sprinting around the couch, Josh on his heels. Laughter and involuntary fright bubbled inside him and he was laughing as he was chased around the basement. He saw the door to the first floor open and began running before a pillow hit him on the back of the head and he lost his footing and fell. Luckily for him, the basement was carpet so it didn’t hurt when he fell. He couldn’t move, too tired from laughing and running to try and get up and get after Josh. It was just his luck that Josh, who had too much momentum, tripped over him and rolled into the stairs, laughing loudly.

 

Tyler smirked, grabbing the pillow and looking up to get Josh and another pillow hit him right in the face, another bout of laughter erupting from Josh. Tyler laughed, he couldn’t help it. He grabbed the pillow, rolling over to Josh and getting on his knees next to the older boy and whacking him repeatedly in the torso and face with the pillows. Both of them were laughing loudly, barely audible “Stop!”’s coming from Josh in between laughs. Josh reached out with one hand as the other blocked his face and grabbed a pillow and pressing it to Tyler’s face who fell backward from the sudden hit that knocked him off balance. Josh took the advantage of the moment to take the pillow and begin an onslaught of hits on Tyler who gave breathy laughs at each hit.

 

“Alright stop,” Tyler managed through a laugh. “Sto-op.” He said a little louder with a teasing voice, rolling away from Josh who dropped the pillows and regained his breath.

 

“I win.” Josh chuckled and Tyler rolled his eyes, waving a dismissive hand at the elder.

 

“Whatever.” He took a few deep breaths before looking up at Josh with a raised eyebrow. “How and and when did you get in my basement and why?”

 

Josh, rested his palms on the floor for a moment, before looking up at Tyler. “Zack let me in. Told me you were down here. I got in there a minute before your song ended and you screamed like a little kid upon seeing me. And I’m here because Mark told me to meet up here. He has more news.”

 

“I did not scream like a little kid!” Tyler protested. “It was a manly scream.”

 

“Right.” Josh chuckled and began laughing again.

 

“What’s so funny?” Tyler huffed, looking over himself before glaring at Josh. “What is it?”

 

Josh shook his head and looked at Tyler before chuckling and gesturing wildly at Tyler. “Your hair.” He chuckled and Tyler cocked an eyebrow.

 

He pulled himself to his feet and made his way to a mirror, looking at his hair and seeing it was a complete mess. It was sticking everywhere and he was totally flushed and he looked over at Josh. He looked at his dark curly hair which was now a messy nest of hair that stuck all over the place and he choked back his laughter, his hand flying over his mouth. Josh must have heard him because he looked over at Tyler with a confused expression, his whole face and hair combined making Tyler’s efforts to suppress his laughter in vain. Laughter spilled from his mouth and he doubled over, laughing, taking a good moment to finish up. He looked up to see Josh with his arms crossed and a playful aggravated look on his face and Tyler chuckled.

 

“You done?” Josh said and Tyler nodded and Josh stood up.

 

Tyler looked back in the mirror, a smile planted on his features and reached to fix his hair when he heard footsteps on the stairs, his hand coming down as he looked over to see Mark on the bottom step. He had his mouth open to speak but he was looking between Josh and Tyler with a raised eyebrow and a confused look in his eyes. He pointed at them then shook his head and jumped onto the couch with his camera.

 

“What?” Josh said, obviously referring to what Mark had just done.

 

“Just wondering why both of you are tired and your hair's a mess.” Mark said, pressing buttons on his camera.

 

Tyler felt his cheeks heat up with embarrassment at what Mark was implying and he felt slightly disgusted at that too. He looked at Josh who was running a hand through his hair and looking up at it, biting his lip in concentration and Tyler rolled his eyes, shaking his head and running a hand through it before dropping onto the couch next to Mark.

 

“You disgust me Mark.” Tyler frowned and Mark made a mock offended face, placing a hand over his heart.

 

“That hurt.” He joked and Tyler’s frown deepened before he rolled his eyes and punched Mark in the arm.

 

He felt the couch dip is Josh sat down on the other side of Mark and he looked up at him to see Josh had a slight blush and a frown.

 

“Well, if you guys are done hating on me for making a very valid assumption-”

 

“We were fighting!” Tyler cut him off and Josh smirked.

 

“You could hardly call it that.” Josh chuckled. “It was more like a manly war of attacking each other with pillows.”

 

“So, a pillow fight. You guys are such girls.” Mark laughed and Tyler and Josh simultaneously punched him in the shoulder.

 

“Ow okay, I take it back.” Mark pouted, then held up his camera. “News.”

 

“Alright, what’s up?” Josh said, leaning to get a look at the camera.

 

“Well, as I said, I took a video of the show and I think we should watch it.” Mark said, earning glares from both Josh and Tyler. “Also I booked another show. It’s at school in the gym.”

 

Tyler groaned and ran his hands over his face. “Let’s just hope they don’t think we’re complete losers.”

 

“They won’t.” Josh said. “We’re totally cool.”

 

Tyler rolled his eyes, giving a sigh and gesturing to the camera. “Playback.” He said and Mark pressed the play button and the video started from when they got on “stage”.

 

Tyler groaned inwardly, he was already hating it. He looked like a total idiot. He frowned and stuck it through, watching the whole video with minimal cringes and he nodded as it came to a close.

 

“I think we were pretty good.” Josh said, voicing Tyler’s thoughts.

 

“Yeah.” Tyler agreed and took a breath. “I don’t think there were many flaws in there. We were playing like we would if it was just us and I think that’s good. I need to open my eyes more though and look at the crowd. I also need to calm down a bit.”

 

“What!? No way! Don’t calm down, we need that energy! That’s what will get the crowd going. I actually saw a few people dancing in their seats when you were getting comfortable and dancing around the area you had.” Mark said and Tyler smiled slightly.

 

“That’s good. Josh you look awesome. Just, don’t take off your shirt.” Tyler joked and Josh punched his arm. “What!? We live with these people we know them all and I’m pretty sure they’re going to talk about you taking your shirt off.”

 

“Whatever. It was hot in there in my cramped little corner.” Josh huffed.

 

Mark rolled his eyes and Tyler shook his head.

 

“Whatever. Anyway, we need more than Tyler just dancing around the stage. We’ll figure it out at the gym though because right now, your mom’s calling us for dinner.” Mark said and it was true.

 

Tyler hadn’t even heard his mom calling them and he made a “Hm.” sound.

 

“Well, let’s eat then.” Tyler said, pulling himself off the couch and stealthily picking up a pillow.

 

“I’m starv-” Josh started but was cut off as Tyler smacked him in the face with a pillow.

 

Mark burst into laughter, only to be cut off by his own smack to the face by Tyler who was grinning evilly. Tyler dropped the pillow and hurtled towards the steps, laughing as Josh and Mark followed him with laughter and mock cries of anger and promises for revenge.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't mention this last chapter, but I don't ship Jebby. I put it in for reasons, but I don't ship Jebby. Don't get on my back or anything for it, I just don't ship it. Deal with it.


	7. 7.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm not even gonna summarize DON'T LET ME BE *FURIOUS HEADBANGING* DON'T LET ME BE *MORE FURIOUS HEADBANGING* OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH *josh doing the cymbals* I'M A GONER SOMEBODY CATCH MY BREATH I'M A GONER SOMEBODY CATCH MY BREATH I WANNA BE KNOWN BY YOU I WANNA BE KNOWN BY you.
> 
> I'm keeping that. This isn't even the notes this the chapter summary. But yeah, I'm not even gonna summarize the chapters.It gives it away. WOOOOOOAH DON'T YOU TEST ME THO JUST BECAUSE I PLAY THE PIANO DOESN'T MEAN I'M NOT WILLING TO TAKE YOU DOWN I'm sorry.
> 
> Okay I'm sorry I'll stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the chapter summary I was listening to those songs and I tend to do that. Forgive me, please. BUT I FINALLY GOT TO DOING THIS CHAPTER YEAH WHO'S HAPPY ABOUT THAT I AM. ME I AM. I FINALLY DID IT AND I'M SO PROUD OF MYSELF. But anywho, enjoy.

Tyler was a nervous wreck on Monday morning. He wasn’t nervous because he hadn’t done his homework (he got at most 2 days extra to turn it in) nor was he nervous because he was surrounded by a bunch of people and it was cramped as hell. He was a nervous wreck because he didn’t know what was going to happen with everyone about the show. As he walked through the halls, he kept his head down, hood pulled over his face because he didn’t want any negative comments at the start of his day. It would just make him feel allot worse than he already felt. When he arrived to his locker, there was a corner of paper sticking out of one of the shutter holes. He raised an eyebrow in confusion, then realization hit him as he thought about it.

 

_“They’re hate letters. Everybody thought it was bad and they sent me letter so they could watch me from afar and-”_

 

“Hey Tyler, what’s in your locker?” Josh said as he stopped next to Tyler, breaking his thoughts.

 

Tyler looked up at Josh and gave a small sigh and his breath caught in his throat. He didn’t want to say but he knew Josh was gonna stay here until he opened his locker.

 

“Ithinkit’shatemailbutIdon’tknowforsurebutI’mprettysureeveryonehatedtheshowandthey’retellingmethroughnotes.” Tyler mumbled.

 

“What!? Open your locker, I bet they’re not hate mail.” Josh said and Tyler was dumbfounded that he actually understood him.

 

He groaned inwardly, put in his combination, and opened his locker and about 40 white sheets of folded paper toppled out by Tyler’s feet.

 

“Well, we know they’re letters. We should read them in Homeroom, the bell’s about to ring and you know how the teachers are about you being late.” Josh said, patting Tyler's shoulder.

 

Tyler nodded, lips pursed as he stuffed the letters into his bag, putting away and grabbing books. As he stood up he bumped into someone, knocking both of their stuff all over the floor. His anxiety set in.

 

**“You’ve fucked up again! Good job assclown.”** His anxiety snarled at him and he cringed inwardly.

 

He bent down quickly, avoiding eye contact and mumbling a continuous stream of apologies. He heard a laugh and he felt himself relax as he recognized it as Jenna’s. He rocked back on his heels, looking up at her with a shy smile and she smiled down at him. She bent down, grabbing her stuff and his and smacked his arm with a grin.

 

“Don’t apologize to me for anything Ty. You didn’t mean to, it’s okay.” Jenna said with a smile and Tyler nodded dumbly.

 

“Well, I gotta go.” Jenna said, walking past Tyler. “See you later.”

 

“See ya.” Tyler called weakly after her.

 

He didn’t realize he looked like an idiot until Josh was walking over with a big grin on his face. Tyler shook his head slightly and looked at the older boy with a small frown.

 

“What.” He huffed, picking up his backpack.

 

“Nothing. Nothing at all except for the fact that you’re totally head over heels for her.” Josh snickered, earning a punch from Tyler.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Tyler pulled the pieces of paper from his backpack as soon as he and Josh sat down. They had looked inside the room to check for Mark, who wasn’t there, so they waited outside of the room until just before the bell rang. They had sat in their normal seats slightly worried, Tyler more worried, and decided to check the papers. When they had walked in a bunch of kids, who Josh had said were in the crowd, looked over at them and smiled, giving a thumbs up. That slightly calmed Tyler’s nerves, but not to much and he had wasted no time getting to his seat and practically tearing open his backpack.

 

“Chill out dude, we have 30 minutes of homeroom, it’s okay.” Josh chuckled and Tyler nodded.

 

He was less hasty and more gentle as he pulled out the pieces of paper, laying them out on the desk and letting his bag drop to the ground. He looked over them, mentally counting how many there were and there were 40, 5 less than the amount of people who came. He breathed out, running his hands over the paper and he glanced up at Josh who was chewing his lip nervously.

 

“Each take one and read it?” Tyler suggested, to which Josh replied with a shrug.

 

Tyler grabbed a piece of paper, holding it in his hand gently, forcing back the doubts crawling towards his hopes. He heard Josh open his piece and he took a quick breath and opened the paper. He began reading in earnest and he immediately felt the doubts retreating at the words on the paper, a smile forming at his lips unintentional.

 

_“Tyler and Josh,_

_Your show was AMAZING! It was totally energetic and your songs are pretty cool! You guys like going crazy don’t you? I mean jumping around the stage, screaming, and Josh totally whaling on the drums back there it was cool. Can’t wait to see your next show. (If you have one).”_

Tyler was so relieved. Someone actually liked the show. He looked up at Josh who had a great big smile too and when Tyler opened his mouth to ask him Josh shoved the piece of paper in his face, causing Tyler to jump back with a yelp.

 

“Read it! They complimented my drumming and your singing!” Josh said excitedly and Tyler took the paper, before shoving his piece in Josh’s face, who grabbed it and began reading in earnest.

 

Tyler rolled his eyes, lifting his piece so he could read it.

 

_“Dear Josh and Tyler,_

_Your show on Saturday was amazing! It was so much fun, even though nobody really participated. It was really energetic and allot of your songs made me want to dance and that song with kitchen sink in it made me want to cry. How much passion you put into it and it was beautiful. You have a great voice and it’s so nice to listen to. Josh, your drumming was so entertaining! The way you got so into it and were hitting the drums with all you had was so cool. I don’t know why you guys didn’t do this sooner! Also Josh, you should take your shirt of more.”_

 

Tyler laughed quietly at the last part, glancing up at Josh to see a bunch of the letters piled beside him. Josh was tearing through the letters, eyes glittering and Tyler smiled, staring at Josh with admiration. He guessed nobody had ever told Josh how amazing he was at drumming so it made him feel good. Tyler was feeling warm inside, the two notes already making him feel better about the next performance in front of maybe a bigger audience. He began reading all the notes Josh had read, his happiness and self confidence getting greater and greater and by the time he had finished the last note he was almost bursting at the seams with happiness.

 

“I-I didn’t think people would actually like us! All these notes are positive.” Josh laughed, shaking his hands.

 

Tyler was jittery, fidgeting with his hands and he just wanted to scream or do something to get the energy out. Without a thought, he hugged Josh, squeezing him tightly and Josh froze for a moment, before Tyler felt him hug him back, but less tightly. Tyler pulled away quickly, shaking his head a few times before giving Josh a nervous smile and sitting back down.

 

“Sorry, adrenaline. I’m just really happy that we were successful and people liked us!” Tyler smiled.

 

“I get it. I can’t wait to show Mark!” Josh smiled, before it dissolved to a frown. “Where is Mark anyway?”

 

Tyler was just now re-realizing that Mark wasn’t there. He shrugged and began pulling out his phone to call Mark when the door opened and a very flustered Mark stepped inside, earning a frown from the homeroom teacher.

 

“Eshleman, why are you late?” The teacher asked with a raised eyebrow and Tyler noticed everyone staring at him.

 

“Uhm..” Mark blushed slightly, “I was editing a video and I didn’t realize the time…”

 

“So, you were messing around on your laptop?” Tyler looked at the teacher to see him writing something down.

 

“Uh yeah, sorry. It won’t happen again.” Mark mumbled, rushing over to Josh and Tyler.

 

Josh and Tyler stared at him quizzically and he frowned at them before stuffing his hands in his backpack and retrieving his laptop. He placed it on the desk and positioned it so the teacher couldn’t see it. Tyler watched as he typed in something and clicked stuff before a file opened and Tyler and Josh leaned so they could see it. Mark pressed play and it immediately began playing their show, but from all different angles. Some shots from the back, some from the sides and some from the back and there was music to it and Tyler was totally entranced by it. He was watching all his and Josh’s movements. Sometimes the camera would focus on him and sometimes on Josh and it was amazing. When it ended, Josh had stood up from the back and walked to the front, his arm going over Tyler’s shoulder and in slow motion, they bowed before the video faded to black. Mark pressed another button and it closed and he closed his laptop, shoving it back in his bag.

 

Tyler was at a loss for words. It was an amazing video and it made their first performance seem amazing.

 

“I didn’t know you could do video editing and stuff that well.” Josh breathed and a nod following from Tyler.

 

“Well, I was working on it from Sunday till this morning. I was finishing it up this morning and I wanted to show you and I didn’t realize the time. Didn’t know it would take that long.” Mark sighed, ruffling his hair a little.

 

“Well it was totally worth the time Mark because that was _sick_.” Tyler said with a smile.

 

“Sick as frick.” Josh said and Mark chuckled quietly.

 

“Thanks guys.” He mumbled. “Um, what are those?”

 

Mark had gestured to the papers and Tyler and Josh began picking them up.

 

“They’re letters.” Tyler said.

 

“From people who watched the show.” Josh added.

 

“They were all really nice letters saying how much they enjoyed the show and watching Josh and I and how they can’t wait for our next show!” Tyler said, the overwhelming happiness returning.

 

“Speaking of the next show, we have some school posters to ha-”

 

**_“Could Tyler Joseph and Josh Dun please come to the front office. I repeat, could Tyler Joseph and Josh Dun come please come to the front office. Thank you.”_** The secretary said over the intercom.

 

Everyone looked at Josh and Tyler and they looked at each other, raising an eyebrow in question before standing up with their bags.

 

“Hope it’s nothing bad.” Mark said, giving them a sympathetic look.

 

Josh glanced at Tyler as they left the room, making their way down the hall to the front office. They stood in the doorway until the secretary, Mr. Way (or Mikey as he preferred people call him by his first name), looked up at them. He had that general straight face and he wasn’t wearing his glasses.

 

“Billie is waiting for you in there.” Mikey said, jabbing his thumb towards the principal's door.

 

The door flew open and their principal, Mr. Billie Joe Armstrong, was standing their with an irritated face. He wore his usual black dress shirt, black jeans, and blood red tie. His hair was a usual mess of black strands, sticking up everywhere, and he wore eyeliner. Allot of students said he belonged in a punk band.

 

“I told you to not call me Billie in front of the students!” He huffed at Mikey. “It sounds like I’m a chubby 7 year old. Call me Mr. Armstrong in front of them Mikey.”

 

Tyler was standing there awkwardly, glancing at Josh who was suppressing laughter and Tyler elbowed him in the ribs.

 

“Quit it.” He hissed and Josh gave a playful shocked face before rolling eyes.

 

“It sounds to formal for my liking.” Mikey replied simply.

 

“YOU HAVE A STRAIGHT FACE PRETTY MUCH THE WHOLE TIME HOW AM I THE FORMAL ONE.” Billie cried and Josh spluttered.

 

“I’m not formal, it’s called a power face. People fear me because my face is straight and unchanging in a powerful way. Now, are we done arguing?” Mikey frowned.

 

Billie rolled his eyes and waved his hand in a motion of exasperation before looking at Josh and Tyler and beckoning them inside. Tyler looked at Josh who was breathing deeply and Tyler could tell he was trying his hardest not to laugh and Tyler elbowed him again and Josh turned to look at him.

 

“Quit hitting me.” Josh huffed.

 

“Then quit laughing. It isn’t funny.” Tyler hissed, realising now that he was fighting back his own laughter.

 

“Then why are you laughing.” Josh smirked and Tyler tried to frown before rolling his eyes and shoving the older boy in the shoulder and sitting down.

 

“So, I heard you guys played a show with your newly formed band named “Twenty One Pilots”, am I right?” Billie said, lounging in his chair with his feet on the desk.

 

“Yes sir.” Tyler said.

 

“It’s been a pretty heavy topic of conversation today as much as I’ve heard.” Billie smiled.

 

Tyler’s eyes widened with shock. He hadn’t heard a single person talk about their show at all. He looked at Josh who looked equally as surprised.

 

“We haven’t heard anyone talking about it….” Tyler said.

 

“Well, I have. You must also be wondering how you got that gig at the auditorium.” Billie sighed.

 

“Yeah, actually, do you know when it is?” Josh said.

 

“Homecoming.” Billie said straight away and Tyler choked on air.

 

“HomecOMING!?” He said, nearly yelling the end and panic began to set in.

 

Pretty much every person from their school goes to homecoming and that’s like 200 people and Tyler was totally unprepared to play in front of 200 people already. You can’t just jump from 45 people to 200 in 5 seconds, it doesn’t work like that!

 

He was breathing quickly, hands on either side of his head and he was shaking. The sheer terror at the thought of playing in front of _200_ people. Not to mention the fact they’re judgemental teens too!

 

**“They’re going to hate your show. You’re going to freeze up and fail.”** His insecurities hissed, having finally found their way to Tyler’s mind.

 

The outside world melted away as all his insecurities about crowds, judgement, and failure came crashing down on him. The shadows screamed at him, laughed at him, mocked him and he felt himself breathing heavier and then his eyes were locked on brown ones and hands were on his shoulders.

 

“Ty! TY!” Josh said, pulling Tyler from his doubts.

 

It was as if Tyler had been thrown away from them and he reached out, grabbing Josh’s shoulders, breathing shakily. He stared at Josh, grounding himself, holding Josh pulling him back towards the real world and he saw the principal standing up and hovering over Josh’s shoulder.

 

“Is he okay?” Billie said, worry in his voice and Josh raised an eyebrow at Tyler.

 

Tyler felt himself stop shaking, his breathing evening out and his doubts receding towards the back of his mind, still taunting and screaming at him. He nodded, breathing deeply and he felt exhausted.

 

“We’ll take the show.” Josh said, turning to Billie and taking a hand off of Tyler’s shoulders, one of Tyler’s hands falling as Josh’s shoulder moved out of reach.

 

“Are you sure? He didn’t seem okay at the idea.” Billie said and Josh shook his head.

 

“It’s okay. He’ll be fine. I’m just gonna take him to the nurse.” Josh said, grabbing his bag and standing up.

 

Tyler was back to himself, yet he was exhausted and he just wanted to curl up and sleep. He stood up weakly with Josh and Josh wrapped an arm around Tyler’s shoulders. Tyler could barely walk, sleep quickly overtaking him and Josh was supporting him.

 

“C’mon Ty please don’t fall asleep yet. I don’t wanna carry you to the nurse's office.” Josh chuckled and Tyler managed to wake himself just enough to walk to the nurse's office.

 

When they entered, Ms. Williams (or Hayley. She prefers a first name basis as well), was on her laptop and she looked up, setting it down and wrapping her arms around Tyler’s waist. Tyler heard their voices but they were muffled and his vision was getting hazy. He was so tired and as soon as he had lain on the bed, he was wrapped in Sleeps embrace almost instantly.

 

 


	8. 8.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I met a guy today who likes Twenty One Pilots and I got his number, hell yeah. He's seeing them in concert and he might be able to get me and my friend good tickets to see them as well!

Tyler awoke slowly, feeling refreshed yet still so tired. He blinked open his eyes to see Hayley sitting with her back to him, her head bobbing to a beat. A high whine tore from his throat as he stretched, which so happened to be when Josh walked in. Tyler felt his face immediately heat as Josh raised an eyebrow at him and Tyler sat up, looking at the ground and cursing his bad luck. He looked up and Josh was tapping Hayley who pulled out her headphones, raising an eyebrow at him.

 

“He woke up. I’m gonna take him to class.” Josh said and suddenly, Tyler was confused as to why exactly he was in the nurse's office.

 

“Okay. Don’t let the teachers give him to much stressful stuff, he might have another attack.” Hayley said simply, glancing over her shoulder at Tyler.

 

She smiled sweetly at him and Tyler returned what probably looked like a grimace, which was confirmed by the smirk on Josh’s face. Tyler sighed and looked at Josh who reached down and grabbed Tyler’s bag from the floor and stood by the bed, waiting for Tyler.

 

“C’mon, we gotta get to class.” Josh nudged Tyler.

 

Tyler nodded, slipping off of the bed and stretching again, a small groan escaping his lips and he blushed again as Hayley giggled from behind them. He grabbed his bag from Josh and made a quick escape from the room and to the hallway, ignoring Mikey who had opened his mouth to speak to him. He waited outside of the office for Josh who arrived shortly after him with a raised eyebrow.

 

“You having fun during those stretches or something?” He snorted and Tyler punched his arm.

 

“It’s involuntary. I can’t help it.” He hissed.

 

“Okay, whatever.” Josh raised his hands in mock surrender, his face pulled into his signature sideways smile. “We gotta get to class. You know you’ve slept until 5th period”

 

Tyler tripped over air at the thought, catching himself and blushing again at his clumsiness.

 

“Since homeroom!?” He exclaimed and Josh nodded, the same smile on his face.

 

“What did the teachers think!?” Tyler cried, a little louder than expected.

 

“I told them you had a panic attack and were resting in the nurses office. They all understood and let me go check on you every so often.” Josh said simply, shrugging. “Mark would come occasionally or he would go rather than I.”

 

“Really?” Tyler said, a small smile pulling at his features.

 

“Really what?” Josh raised an eyebrow.

 

“You guys checked on me?” Tyler said quietly.

 

“Well duh, you are our friend and I was there to witness the panic attack. We wanted to make sure you were okay.” Josh said nonchalantly.

 

Tyler nodded, smiling slightly because he didn’t think they would. One thought came to his mind and he felt slightly angered at it.

 

“What about Zack and Jay?” Tyler said, almost silently.

 

Josh barely heard it but turned to Tyler, giving him an odd look at the question.

 

“What about them?” He questioned.

 

Tyler gave an exasperated sigh and looked at Josh with an irritated gaze. Josh quirked an eyebrow in confusion before making an “O” shape with his mouth from understanding.

 

“I ran into them a few times when I came to check on you. Hayley was just telling them what happened the first time but the other times they were poking you to make sure you were actually alive.” Josh explained.

 

“To make sure I was actually alive?” Tyler pressed, relieved his brothers cared.

 

“You weren’t rolling around in your sleep and your breathing was so shallow that it looked like you weren’t breathing at all. So, they poked you and you would respond with a little head toss and a groan.” Josh grinned and Tyler blushed.

 

“They were bothering me in my sleep I have a right.” Tyler said bitterly.

 

“I bet it wasn’t them poking you that had you like that.” Josh said flippantly.

 

Tyler opened his mouth in shock and frowned at Josh.

 

“It was you pompous ass.” Tyler said condescendingly. “I bet you groan when people try and wake you up. It’s a natural response since we can’t from words until our brains are fully alert and awake.”

 

Josh raised his hands in mock surrender,  his eyes widening at Tyler saying a curse word and gave Tyler a wry smile.

 

“Alright, that’s true.” Josh said in a mock-serious tone. “But when did you become Mr. Smart Stuff? And when did you curse?”

 

“Since a long time.” Tyler said with a disdainful look at his friend. "And just because I don't curse all the time doesn't mean I don't do it."

 

Josh nodded with a roll of his eyes and Tyler bit his lip and gave a grin. He stopped walking and let Josh go ahead of him, both walking in a comfortable silence that Tyler knew he was about to ruin. After a moment, Tyler took two swift steps and jumped on Josh’s back with a smirk as Josh let out a startled cry. Regardless of the startled cry, Josh’s hand reached to grab Tyler’s legs, wrapping around them and he grinned as he began to spin around.  Tyler gave a startled squack and wrapped his arms tighter around Josh as they spun around, and Josh laughed loudly.

 

“Josh stop spinning and put me down!” Tyler said scornfully, closing his eyes tightly.

 

“What?” Josh said teasingly. “You jumped on my back!”

 

Tyler squeezed his eyes closed tighter, wrapping his legs tighter around Josh to keep himself on as he felt force beginning to pull him off the older boy.

 

“Joshua Dun!” Tyler said sternly in the drummer’s ear.

 

Josh rolled his eyes and stopped spinning, letting Tyler off his back with a comical grin. Tyler stepped down, his eyes still closed and when he opened them he stumbled with dizziness. Tyler felt Josh grab his arm to steady him and Tyler looked at the boy who was still grinning and he frowned at him. His vision was no longer tilting and swirling and he shook his head once to clear it and he looked at Josh.

 

“You’re a loser.” Tyler huffed and Josh laughed loudly.

 

“You jumped on my back in the first place!” Josh exclaimed with an amused smile. “I just tried to throw you off at your attempt to attack me.”

 

“Whatever.” Tyler huffed, crossing his arms and knowing he had brought it upon himself.

 

Josh chuckled before continuing to walk until he stopped outside a door that was probably their fifth period class. Tyler followed him swiftly, still blushing at his failed attempt to attack his friend. Josh opened the door and Tyler stepped in, his mind totally off the topic that he was walking into class halfway through. He looked up and froze, overwhelmed at all the people looking at him, before he remembered they were just his classmates. He was still standing in the doorway when Josh rested a hand on his shoulder, giving him a warm smile as he passed to his seat, Tyler following after a moment. When they sat down, the class was still quiet and the teacher didn’t continue to teach.

 

“Mark, could you give Tyler your notes and update him on the situation.” The teacher said, before turning back to the board and continuing to teach.

 

At least everyone wasn't looking at him anymore.

 

**************************************

 

Tyler had his head leaned over the arm of the couch as he absently listened to his mother explaining the house rules to her children as they prepared to leave. His parents were going out and Jay was going to be in charge. It was only fair because Jay was the oldest and he always kept everything in some sort of order that worked. Tyler would be doing something, maybe making more songs, except he was bored and all his siblings had other things to do. Tyler heard the door close and he sat up, bored invading every nook in his mind and he had not a single clue on what to do. He would invite Josh and Mark over to do homework or just play video games, but Josh was on a date with Debby and Mark was “doing important things” as he put it. He huffed, standing and stretching and padding downstairs into the basement, seating himself in front of his piano and turning on his laptop. He grabbed the pencil and paper that sat on top of the piano.

 

He glanced at the lyrics written on the paper, his mind trying to come up with more lyrics to finish the songs but he was blank. He groaned in frustration, leaning back in his chair and running his hands over his face. For once, he was truly and utterly bored.

 

_“Maybe I could do homework.”_ He thought, before snorting at the idea.

 

He stood from his chair, grabbing his laptop and flopping down onto the couch, placing his laptop delicately on his stomach. He opened up Netflix, scrolling through the many shows and movies that he could watch.

 

Nothing.

 

He groaned in more frustration, setting his laptop aside and staring up at the ceiling, aggravated and tired. He was bored of being bored and he wanted to do something but there was absolutely nothing he could do. He retrieved his phone from his pocket, unlocking it and pulling up his messages, going to Mark’s.

 

_“Mark. I’m bored. Wanna go do something?”_ Tyler  typed, hitting send and staring at his phone, eager for a reply.

 

_“Ty, I told you I’m doing important stuff. I can’t hang out. Plus, it’s like 10 pm and I’m not allowed to leave my house.”_ Mark replied almost instantly and Tyler made an obnoxiously loud noise of frustration.

 

_“Whatever.”_ Tyler sent back, changing the message screen to Josh’s.

 

_“Hey Josh, you still on your date with Debby? I’m bored and I wanna hang out and Mark’s doing “important stuff” again.”_ Tyler typed, hating how desperate he sounded.

 

It took a moment, but Josh’s reply came. _“No I’m not on the date anymore. We went out and saw a movie and then she had to go straight home. Lucky me because I wasn’t enjoying being out in public very much.”_

 

Tyler gave a relieved sigh and sat up on the couch.

 

_“Wanna come over and play some video games?”_ Tyler sent, anxiously waiting for a reply and hating himself for it.

 

_“Sure, why not. Just tell Jay that I’m not some random stranger trying to kill you all.”_ Josh sent and Tyler hadn’t heard the arguing at the front door until now.

 

He stood up, leaving his phone on the couch and sprinting upstairs to the door.

 

“Jay!” He cried as he saw Jay, his back pressed to the door, yelling refusal to Josh on the other side of the door.

 

Jay turned to him and raised an eyebrow. “What?” It wasn’t a rude reply, just impatient.

 

“It’s just Josh. He just texted me saying he was outside. He’s not a murderer I assure you.” Tyler sighed with an exasperated sigh.

 

Jay raised his eyebrows and stepped away from the door, opening it and letting Josh in who was blushing slightly and he realised it was from the people who had turned on their lights to see why someone was yelling at 10 at night. Tyler chuckled and Josh gave him a zealous look but Tyler knew he wasn’t actually mad.

 

“C’mon.” Tyler chuckled breathily, walking towards the basement.

 

He felt Josh on his heels and as he skipped his way downstairs, he felt Josh try and pass him and he stuck his foot out just slightly. Josh’s foot caught on his and he went tumbling, rolling down the stairs and landing on his back, giving a loud groan of pain. Tyler bit back his laughter only just as he knelt beside the older boy, giving a shoulder a push and Josh’s face turned to give him a burning glare and Tyler tried even harder not to laugh.

 

“I’m sorry…” He barely got out, his laughter threatening to force it’s way out.

 

“No you’re not.” Josh snorted, rolling over onto his stomach with a groan and Tyler smirked wickedly.

 

“Enjoying the pain?” He grinned.

 

Josh pushed himself up onto his knees, sending another burning glare at Tyler who let a breathy laugh escape his lips.

 

“It’s the only noise I can make because my body hurts too much to put my pain into coherent words.” Josh retaliated bitterly and Tyler lost it.

 

He toppled over laughing at Josh’s pouting face a bitter demeanor and it didn’t help the situation. While Tyler rolled on the ground, Josh had gotten himself up, a grave look on his face before it lightened to a playful grin. As Tyler laughed, Josh dropped back onto his knees, grabbing the writhing boys hand to stop him momentarily before he lay on top of him, his backpack pressed to Tyler’s chest. Tyler’s laughing slowed to little chuckles as he scrambled to get the slightly better built boy off of him.

 

“Josh you’re heavy get off. You’re hurting me.” Tyler whined and Josh shook his head.

 

“Not until you apologize for tripping me.” He said, finality in his voice and Tyler knew there was no getting past this.

 

“Jooooosh.” He sighed, flailing his arms in another failed attempt.

 

Josh didn’t move and Tyler could see the triumphant smirk on his stupid face.

 

“Fine. I’m sorry, now get _off_ you _heavy monster_.” Tyler said bitterly, shoving at the boy’s back.

 

This time, Josh willingly rolled off, landing on his hands and knees and standing with a smile.

 

“Second time I’ve won at your attempt to attack me.” Josh said condescendingly and Tyler rolled his eyes as he pushed himself up.

 

“Let’s just play the game.” Tyler mumbled, stalking past Josh, who took his turn to laugh.

 

He didn’t say anything, just flopped on the couch next to Tyler, and Tyler found himself comfortably pressed shoulder to shoulder with his best friend.

 

“So, Mario Kart?” Tyler suggested, lifting up the highly favored game.

 

“You’re on and you’re so gonna lose again.” Josh challenged.

 

“We’ll see about that.” Tyler retorted playfully, putting the game in and smirking at his friend.

 

He was not about to let Josh win again. Definitely not at Mario Kart.

 

They chose their characters, a few bouts of bantering coming up before they were listening to the countdown.

 

“Peach, really?” Tyler said, with an unbelieving look in his eyes.

 

“What? Peach is cool.” Josh retaliated jokingly.

 

Tyler scoffed, paying attention to the screen as the race began. He pulled into first with a sardonic smile playing at his features. He looked over at Josh, and found himself staring at how messy Josh’s hair was and how his tongue stuck out as he focused and it wasn’t until Tyler felt his controller vibrate did he realise he had been hit by a shell and dropped down to third. He yelped, turning back to the game. After a few more minutes of playful competition, Josh won just ahead of Tyler and Tyler groaned in frustration as Josh stood and paraded around the room his success.

 

“I told you I would win Ty! I’m not wrong.” Josh taunted and Tyler rolled his eyes at the elder boy.

 

“It’s not fair.” Tyler huffed as Josh sat next to him again, raising an eyebrow at the statement.

 

“What isn’t fair?” Josh questioned.

 

“Your cuteness distracted me.” Tyler joked, crossing his arms over his chest in mock-seriousness.

 

Josh laughed and Tyler smiled good-naturedly at his friend before Josh shook his head with a small knowing smile played at his features.

  
“I know.”


	9. 9.

Tyler couldn’t get those two words from his head for the rest of the weekend and week. He couldn’t concentrate any better in class and every time Josh looked at him with that stupid smile Tyler found himself blushing. How could two words from his best friend make him so stumped? _All he said was, “I know.”_ Tyler thought. How does that bother me so much?

 

He ran his hands through his hair and made a noise of frustration, dropping his head to hit his desk. He was lucky it was math class and they were doing work. Nevertheless, everyone looked at him and he gave a shy smile, picking up his pencil and making it look as if he was attempting. He stared down at the problems, trying to take his mind off of it and do his work. It worked for approximately 5 minutes before he was back on the thought of Josh’s two words. It wasn’t the words that bothered him, it was the context of when they were said. Tyler had just been joking and- It was a joke. Josh was just joking with him.

 

 _He didn’t sound like he was joking. He sounded like he meant it._ Tyler thought, and dropped his head on his desk yet again. He opened an eye to see Josh looking at him intently with a raised eyebrow and Tyler fought the urge to  jump backwards. He glared at the older boy, before his face unintentionally curved into a smile. He blushed, turning his head away, but was pretty sure he saw Josh smile before he was cut out of his line of sight. After 30 more torturous minutes of thinking about this and getting very little work done, the bell rang and it was time for lunch. Tyler hopped up, turning and stopping himself before he ran right into Josh who held his hands out to stop Tyler.

 

“Dude, where are you going in such a rush?” Josh chuckled and Tyler frowned at him.

 

“Lunch, Josh. I need to eat to stay alive.” Tyler deadpanned.

 

“We all do.” Josh snorted and picked up his things. “Plus, we gotta wait for Mark so chill.”  
  


Tyler rolled his eyes and gave an exasperated sigh, looking at Josh who was grinning and he found himself grinning as well and he tried to glare at the older boy but it was in vain.

 

“Darn you and your contagious smile.” Tyler muttered, stalking past Josh, who laughed.

 

Josh followed behind Tyler and they found Mark waiting outside of the classroom, looking at his phone intently.

 

“Whatcha got there Mark?” Josh questioned from over Tyler’s shoulder.

 

Mark looked up at them, a startled expression crossing his face for a moment before it was gone. He waved a hand dismissively before turning off and pocketing his phone. “Project for film class.”

 

“What about?” Tyler pressed and Mark looked at them both with a flat face.

“Nothing that concerns you two.” He deadpanned. “Now, lunch. I’m starving.”

 

Tyler made a pout face before they all made their way to the cafeteria. On their way, they noticed a bunch of posters all over the walls of the school promoting homecoming king and queen votes. Intermixed were posters promoting their bands performing and Tyler shuddered in nervous anxiety. He noticed Josh eyeing the posters nervously and he gently touched his friend's arm, then quickly retracted it, feeling weird. He hoped Josh didn’t notice how quickly he moved but it was to no avail. Josh noticed.

 

“What’s wrong Ty?” Josh asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

 

Tyler shook his head, shoving his hands in his pockets and staring ahead of them. Mark looked at Tyler and he shuddered under both of their questioning gazes. Josh reached out, touching Tyler in a reassuring manner and Tyler flinched away, getting a weird comfortable feeling at the touch that he didn’t understand.

 

“Ty what’s wrong?” Josh pressed and Tyler shook his head.

 

“Nothing. I’m just nervous about the show.” Tyler mumbled an excuse that was true, but not what was the real problem.

 

He had no clue why Josh’s two choice words were affecting him so badly and he didn’t know how he felt about it. He was caught by those words and every time he talked to Josh or Josh smiled or touched him he found himself staring, overwhelmingly happy, or getting the same feeling when he sees Jenna. He didn’t know what to think of it and he didn’t exactly see it as a good thing and rather than try isolating himself from his best friend, he should tell him. But what exactly do you say?

 

“You sure that’s it?” Josh said and Tyler bit his lip.

 

He looked at the other boy before his gaze dropped and he shook his head. “I-I’ll tell you later.” He muttered.

 

He glanced back up at Josh who still looked confused and he just shrugged and nodded, but he didn’t look convinced.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Tyler sat in his room, staring out the window in rapt interest at the snow that fell outside the glass. When winter came, it snowed tons in Ohio and it was bothersome and cold, but Tyler found that he liked it sometimes. It gave him a perfectly valid excuse to curl up in a ball wrapped in blankets. It started snowing after lunch and that also gave Tyler a valid excuse to ignore the world and watch the snowflakes fall from the sky. He had told Josh to come over tonight but he probably wouldn’t be able to make it in all the snow and that worried Tyler. He wanted to tell Josh sooner because he was beginning to lean towards the idea of isolating himself until he felt these things go away but that wouldn’t be good for the band. He was so lost in thought that when he blinked himself back to reality and saw Josh’s face outside the window, he nearly let out a scream. He toppled off his chair and let out a yelp and gave a groan of pain as he hit his head. He opened one eye, rubbing the back of his head and saw Josh’s grinning face outside the window and he frowned deeply. He saw Josh shaking with laughter and he glared at the boy as he stood up and took his place by the window, staring smugly out the window. After a moment, Josh’s shaking slowed and he tapped on the glass for Tyler to let him in.

 

“Nope.” Tyler said and Josh rolled his eyes, continuing the motion.

 

Tyler repeated. “Nope.” He smirked and Josh frowned.

 

“C’mon Ty it’s freezing out here.” He heard Josh’s muffled voice and he made to think about it, then shook his head.

 

“Nah.” Tyler smirked.

 

“Tyler Robert Joseph let me in right now.” Josh said sternly from the other side and Tyler shook his head.

 

“Maybe not. I’ll get old if I open the window.” Tyler frowned playfully, shivering for effect.

 

“Tyler I will kick your ass it’s freezing out here let me in.” Josh huffed and Tyler laughed.

 

He stood up, walking away and grabbing a bunch of towels and moved his chair from the window, before spreading the towels out below the window. He unlocked and pushed his window up part of the way then took a few steps away, shivering as the frigid outside air snaked it’s way inside his warm haven. Josh carefully stepped inside of the room, standing on the towels and closing the window behind him. Tyler dropped onto his bed, sitting there with an amused smile playing at his lips as he watched Josh shed his heavy coat and shoes. He heard him grumbling the whole time and Tyler fought back laughter and as soon as Josh had carefully brushed off the snow, he had turned and was glaring daggers at the sitting boy.

 

“What?” Tyler laughed, crossing his legs on the bed.

 

Josh continued glaring at him and then his glare turned to a mischievous smirk and Tyler felt the butterflies again. He raised an eyebrow in confusion at the smirk and then Josh had tackled him and he was laughing. Tyler didn’t know what to feel at all as Josh had rolled them off of the bed and was proceeding towards the window. It registered to Tyler what was happening and he began wiggling on the older boys shoulder and hitting his back.

 

“Joshua William Dun you put me down right now or I swear I will destroy you.” Tyler tried to sound stern but he was laughing softly.

 

“Nope.” Josh mimicked Tyler and Tyler began kicking.

 

Josh just laughed as he moved his hand from wrapping around Tyler's waist to his legs so the kicking would stop and he managed to use his free hand to push open the window. He swung Tyler back over his shoulder so he held him bridal style and Tyler tried to fight down and involuntary blush. He felt the butterflies again but it all froze as he was stuck out of the window and set in the snow on the roof. He cried out at the cold and wriggled around, trying to fight his way back into the house and Josh laughed from his place by the window.

 

“JOSH!” Tyler screamed, Josh holding his legs so Tyler wouldn’t fall. “PULL ME BACK IN THE HOUSE IT’S FREEZING OUT HERE!”

 

Josh laughed and when Tyler managed to look up at him, he looked like he was thinking. “Nah.” He smiled and Tyler fumed.

 

“Joshua William Dun I will kick your ass you pull me back in the house this is unfair I’m in a SWEATSHIRT AND IT’S ALL SOGGY AND COLD NOW!” Tyler growled and Josh gently began pulling him back by his legs.

 

“Calm down dude. Jeez it’s not like you’re dying.” Josh chuckled as he brought Tyler in up to his butt.

 

“Josh you are not dragging me into the house like this I could break something.” Tyler huffed, crossing his arms as best he could.

 

Josh rolled his eyes and leaned out of the window, wrapping an arm around Tyler’s shoulders and smiling. “That’s why I’m not.”  
  


Tyler felt the butterflies again and he was reminded of why exactly he told Josh to come over. He uncrossed his arms, leaving them in a look where he didn’t know what to do with them. He nodded, feeling himself blush as Josh pulled him close and ducked under the windowsill. Tyler ducked as well, almost too late and he shook his head as soon as he was in the house, spraying water and snow flecks all over Josh.

 

“That’s what you get.” Tyler smiled and Josh rolled his eyes then smiled.

 

Josh set Tyler’s feet down and Tyler noticed him looking at his face.

 

“What?” Tyler huffed.

 

Josh stared at him for a second longer before turning and walking away to Tyler’s bed. “You’re blushing.”

 

Tyler blushed harder before frowning. “I’m cold and I just got into a warm area it’s a chemical reaction I can’t help.” He huffed.

 

“Okay, whatever.” Josh scoffed. “Anyway, why did you tell me to come over.”

 

“Let me get changed first. I’m freezing.” Tyler sighed, rolling his eyes.

 

He pulled his sweatshirt over his head, careful to not let the water drip from the sweatshirt. As he pulled the wet mass over his head, he felt his shirt get caught on his head and he blushed.

 

“Sorry.” Tyler mumbled, pulling his shirt over his head as well and quickly made an exit and went to his hallway.

 

He draped the wet clothes over the railing, walking back into the room and avoiding looking at Josh. He grabbed a new T-shirt, pulling it on and grabbing a new sweatshirt and pulling it on as well. He grabbed some pants and hurried into the bathroom, shucking off the wet ones and pulling on the dry ones. He walked back into the bedroom and saw Josh sitting there toying with his shirt.

 

“Sorry, again. It’s just you dropped me out in the snow and it all melted and made my clothes wet.” Tyler mumbled, grabbing his chair and moving it to the center of the floor.

 

“It’s cool man.” Josh sighed, then gestured openly. “So, what’s up?”

 

“First, you sit on the chair and I sit on the bed so that if this goes bad, I can contemplate my life choices and decide if I want to live or not and you can make a quick getaway.” Tyler said with a smile.

 

“Why would it go bad?” Josh questioned, standing up.

 

Tyler sat down on the bed and ran his hand through his hair like he generally did when he was stressed or nervous.

 

“Dude, seriously what’s up? Is it about the show?” Josh asked, moving his chair closer, staring at Tyler intently.

 

Tyler sighed in frustration and looked up at Josh.

 

“I don’t exactly know how to say this but,” Tyler sighed and dropped his face into his hands. “Ever since we played Mario Kart and I told you that your cuteness distracted me and you said “I know” it’s been extremely distracting and I can’t stop thinking about why you would say that and you sounded so serious and now every time I look at you or you smile or look at me or laugh or do your normal happy things I get a feeling like when I look at Jenna and I get overwhelmingly happy and I just want to stare at you forever because it makes me really happy and I don’t know what to do and my options were either tell you or just break away from you until I felt like these feelings went away and this is why it was going to go bad and you’re probably gonna sit there opened mouth and then you’re gonna get disgusted and then you’re gonna leave so if you are going to leave please expertly crawl out of my window because my family is asleep.” Tyler glanced up at Josh and he got the gaped mouth part right.

 

Josh was sitting there, his mouth open and he was staring at Tyler and Tyler buried his face in his hands yet again.

 

“Uh….” Was all Josh said.

 

Tyler shook his head and stood up, beginning to pace his room. “You’re not helping Josh. Just say something or leave. Please, just- If you say something don’t move from that chair, just say it.”

 

Josh opened and closed his mouth to say something and ended up just sitting back in his chair. Tyler watched as he ran his hands through his hair, taking off the beanie he wore and pulling his hands through the messy curls. Tyler made a gesture of exasperation and confusion and Josh rested his head in his hand.

  
“Are you going to say something or sit there the whole time. It’d be great if you decided on something.” Tyler breathed, sitting back on his bed, shuffling to the corner and resting his head on the wall.

 

“Well it’s not every day your best friend and band mate tells you he gets the same feelings like when he sees the girl he has a crush on. It’s also not every day he tells you that he wants to stare at you forever and he actually thinks you’re cute.” Josh sighed and Tyler glared at him.

 

“I never said that last part, you made that up.” Tyler huffed and Josh shrugged.

 

“You kinda said it.”  
  


“Shut up.”

 

Josh laughed and Tyler turned, staring at the wall as he bit his lip in an attempt to not smile.

 

“Sorry, forgot.” Josh coughed, and then sat up in his chair again. “So, I don’t know exactly what to say about this. So, about the whole “I know” thing when we were playing Mario Kart, I did know. I mean I’m adorable and I kinda noticed you staring at me. It’s hard not to notice someone's gaze locked onto your face for more than a minute. It’s cool though, I didn’t mind. I didn’t have problem with it and I don’t have a problem with it.” Josh shrugged and Tyler nodded.

 

“Well, we still have to do this whole band thing and we shouldn’t let this get in the way so-”

 

“Yeah, it won’t get in the way. We can still be friends and go back to how everything was. It’s cool.” Josh said and Tyler looked at him, feeling absolutely shocked and confused.

 

“It’s cool!? Josh it won’t be cool if you know that every time you smile, laugh or even look at me I’m going to be crushing on you is it?” Tyler sighed in annoyance.

 

“It’s cool because it won’t bother me. If you haven’t noticed Ty, I don’t exactly have a problem with you having a crush on me.” Josh shrugged, letting his arms hang.

 

“Well if you haven't noticed I do. It’s going to mess up our friendship Josh and I don’t want it to get in the way of everything.” Tyler moaned, dropping his head to the bed.

 

Josh snorted and Tyler heard shuffling and footsteps and he looked up to see Josh had gotten up and he raised an eyebrow.  
  
“What’re you-” The question was short lived.

 

Tyler let out a squawk of surprise as Josh flopped down on top of him. He flailed, trying to get the bigger boy off and he let out a gust of air.

 

“Get off fatty.” Tyler sighed, giving up.

 

“No, you’re comfortable.” Josh smiled.

 

Tyler groaned in fake frustration and he flailed once more. He turned his head to look at Josh to see that the boy's eyes were closed and his face was lax. Tyler listened and noted his breathing was even and a small snore came from the older boy’s mouth and Tyler found himself smiling at Josh’s sleeping form. He looked adorable even though he wasn’t even that deep into his sleep. His messy hair fell over his face and it was almost an art form and his lax face was close to that of a kitten. Tyler found himself staring, smiling at the sleeping form of the older boy and he didn’t want to look away. A moment later, Josh began to stir and Tyler realized he was staring and quickly turned his head the other way, trying to calm his breathing and make it seem as if he was sleeping.

 

“Tyler, were you staring at me.” Josh’s voice was calm.

 

“No.”

  
“Of course you weren’t.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I FINALLY GO THIS DONE
> 
> I was working on it because I had no wi-fi  
> BUT I'VE MOVED TO NZ AND THE HOUSE I'M STAYING AT HAS NO WI-FI WHICH SUCKS BUT YEAH  
> I'm at another house of a part of my family so yeh  
> Oh, and I saw TOP live a few weeks ago


	10. 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update I'll explain better at the bottom

Tyler blinked open his eyes groggily, mind still hazy from sleep. His room was pitch black and when he glanced in the direction of the windows he saw no light filtering through the curtains. He groaned, going to move and he found he couldn’t. A heavy mass weighed him down and kept him pinned to the bed and he raised an eyebrow in confusion. He shimmied and shoved at the mass, attempting to free himself and when his hand came in contact with cloth and a muscular object, he froze. When the mass let out a deep breath, his eyes widened in shock. He turned, looking at the clock, which illuminated  **_“2:30AM”_ ** and he desperately reached for his lamp, finding the switch and flicking it on. He cringed at the sudden light, but turned and let out a yelp as he saw Josh’s sleeping face inches from his.

 

“Josh?” Tyler whispered, confused at the sight.

 

Josh snored in response, shifting his lose lying arms in his sleep so they wrapped around Tyler as best they could.

 

“Josh.” Tyler squeaked.

 

_ “Ohmygod Ohmygod he's gonna wake up and think I'm a weirdo and that I did this. He's not gonna be my friend Ohmygod why is he laying on me at 2 in the morning!?”  _ Tyler thought, beginning to feel trapped.

 

He didn't want Josh to dislike him. He didn't like the current situation and thinking about how Josh would react to this certain situation put Tyler in a bad spot. He began to push at Josh’s sleeping figure desperately, his breaths coming in short panicked gasps. Josh's body moved slightly, Tyler's hands not making contact and he whimpered in worry.

 

“Josh.” He gasped.

 

He began to thrash desperately wanting to move,move away from Josh away from situation and away from the panic. His hand caught on Josh’s arm and he placed his other hand as best he could on Josh’s waist and shoved forcefully. Josh’s body rolled over, his body weight lifting from Tyler and the smaller boy rolled himself to the floor. His body thudded to the ground, a small sharp pain going through his body momentarily at contact with the ground. He groaned in pain, lying there momentarily before he rolled onto his hands and knees. He crawled to the corner of his room, shivering at the loss of warmth in the chill of his room.

 

Josh's sleeping figure made a small noise, before it began to sit up. Tyler watched, breathing still erratic, as Josh's still tired eyes trained on him. He stared back, unblinking, as panicked thoughts spread through his brain.

 

“Ty what's wrong?” A sleepy voice asked.

 

Tyler was brought from his thoughts by the voice, his eyes focusing back on Josh.

 

“What?” Tyler echoed.

 

Josh yawned, relaxing back against the wall. “What's wrong? Why are you on the other side of the room looking like you saw a ghost.”

 

Tyler nodded absently, even though the nodding wouldn't answer the question. He thought carefully about what to say, before swallowing and training his eyes back on Josh.

 

“Do you know what time it is?” Tyler started.

 

The sleepy drummer shrugged. “I dunno, 9:30?” He yawned, dragging his hand through his messy hair.

 

Tyler choked back a nervous chuckle, instead shaking his head.

 

“Try 2:45.” He breathed.

 

Josh's eyes widened for a moment, his body tensing, before he visibly relaxed.

 

“That's okay.” Josh shrugged again.

 

“That's okay!?” Tyler squeaked. “It's anything but okay! Nobody but me knows you're over here-”

 

Josh's hand cut him off as he raised it to stop Tyler.

 

“My parents know I'm here dude it's okay. I told them I might be sleeping over because I assumed your problem would be playing the Homecoming and you needed some consolation. I was wrong, obviously, but still it's okay. Plus your family is chill with me, I'm practically their family.” Josh shrugged.

 

Tyler relaxed slightly, leaning more comfortably against his dresser. He nodded, chewing his lip in thought.

 

“So, why are you on the other side of the room?” Josh repeated.

 

Tyler looked up again at the slightly older boy. He was awake now, well more awake, and a bit more alert. His eyes were swimming with confusion and tiredness, which was understandable.

 

Tyler scratched the back of his neck. “You fell asleep on top of me and when I woke up, I panicked. I thought you would wake up and freak out and think I was a weirdo and I didn't want that to happen. I started to feel trapped and I panicked and pushed you off of me and I came over here, which was far from you so you wouldn't freak out.”

 

He dared glance back up at the older boy, the look on Josh’s face confusing Tyler. What was over Josh’s face wasn’t confusion, horror, or disgust, the look on his face was hurt. What Tyler had said hurt him apparently and Tyler was confused as to how.

 

“Josh?” Tyler questioned after a moment. “Are you okay man?”

 

The look on Josh’s face changed to thought for a moment, his focus moving from Tyler. Tyler bit his lip, hoping he hadn’t said something wrong.

 

Josh looked to contemplate his words, opening and closing his mouth a few times.

 

“You're never going to believe that I don't care are you?” Josh sighed, sounding defeated.

 

Tyler bit his lip, realising the boys problem. His eyes followed Josh's hand as it dragged through his dark brown curls.

 

“I-” Tyler started but he couldn't grasp the words that would convey his apology correctly.

 

“It's just-” Josh breathed. “You're my best friend man. I don't care if we're close, it's how we should be. Plus, I know I fell asleep on top of you. I didn't mean to, but I did. If I woke up I would have made a joke of it, and let it go.”

 

Josh took a deep breath. “I just want you to quit worrying about how I'm going to react when you've done nothing wrong.” Tyler's eyes met with Josh's.

 

He hadn't realised he'd started to cry until a teardrop landed on his hand and pulled him back to his senses. He wiped the tears, laughing nervously.

 

“I don't know why I'm crying, there's no reason.” He mumbled as he used his sweater paws to wipe away the tears.

 

“I dunno why you're crying either.” Josh joked, trying to lighten the mood.

 

Tyler managed a sound like a laugh, before he was looking at Josh. Josh looked so lost, so open and vulnerable in his pain. Tyler hated that his own thoughts had done that. Tyler resolved to choose his words carefully, deciding he didn't want to hurt the boy any more than he already had.

 

“Josh I….” He paused. “I have anxiety. You know how it feels. I will always think I've done something wrong, even when I haven't. My depression plays a part in that. It makes me feel bad, like I'm worthless and whatever I've done I've messed up. Music is,” Tyler exhaled. “It's one of my escapes. It's one of the things that my head can't ruin.”

 

“You and Mark as well, you’re things that I pull me from my depression and anxiety. Yet at the same time, you’re both things that my anxiety and depression can take hold of. Around you two I feel safe and comfortable, yet I feel that when I do certain things it will ruin everything. It’s a constant dilemma going on in my mind. So, telling you how I feel, it-it amplified the effect you have on my anxiety in a way where my anxiety has found new footholds in the mountain towards my demise. With everything I do that seems like it will ruin our friendship, my anxiety and depression climb higher. ” Tyler looked up at Josh finally. “You see what I mean?”

 

Josh was silent for a moment, before he swallowed and began to reply. “So, when I tell you that what you’ve done is fine.” He spoke slowly. “They, metaphorically, fall?”

 

A small sigh of relief escaped Tyler’s lips. “Exactly.” He let a small comfortable smile slip. “So, now that you understand, I feel better.” 

 

Josh smiled along with Tyler, a warm comfortable smile that wrapped Tyler in warmth and he blushed. Tyler his his face in his hands, exhaling loudly in annoyance and Josh's kind laugh sounded.

 

“You're so adorable when you blush.” Josh said before he could stop the words.

 

Tyler's head snapped up and he looked at the punk boy, whose hands were over his mouth, wide eyes matching Tyler's.

 

“What.” Tyler breathed, though he heard perfectly clear.

 

Josh’s mouth opened and closed a few times in a failed attempt to articulate.

 

“I, uh, I think I called you adorable.” Josh said slowly, as if they were new words he was learning.

 

Tyler swallowed thickly and hugged his knees close to his chest, finding overwhelming interest in the floor. Awkward silence floated through the air as both of the boys thought about what to do next. Tyler made the first move. He stood up, taking a deep breath and looking at Josh. They locked eyes, Josh's attention drawn to Tyler moving and he saw determination in his eyes.

 

“We're going to get through the rest of the night. Tomorrow, we are going to school and we are going to act like nothing happened. We are going to act like I never told you anything, we are going to stay best friends and we are not going to ruin each other's relationships.” Tyler stated firmly, hands in tight fists by his sides.

 

Josh nodded, unable to do anything else. Tyler stood there for a moment before walking to his closet and pulling out a blanket.

 

“I'm going to sleep on the couch.” He said, not looking at Josh.

 

“Don't do that Ty.” Josh sighed. “We've never put each other on the couch and we aren't doing that tonight. Your parents might think something's wrong and that's the last thing we want.”

 

Tyler looked at him. “I'll just say-” But there was no excuse that wouldn't arouse suspicions.

 

“There's no excuse for you sleeping on the couch, Ty. You know it.” Josh said. “So hurry up and get over here so we can get this over with.”

 

Tyler turned fully to look at Josh. He was still leaning against the wall, a brow raised expectantly. Tyler bit his lip, then sighed in defeat, dropping the blanket and shuffling over to the bed. Josh shifted so he was laying down against the wall, making room for Tyler. Tyler slowly lowered himself into the bed, lying stiffly, so close to the edge he could fall off with the slightest movement.

 

“Tyler-” Josh started, but the rest of his words were put into a frustrated sigh.

 

Tyler tensed even more as Josh's arm draped around him and pulled him away from the edge of the bed and closer towards the middle. Tyler wiggled, blushing madly and trying to get out of Josh's grip.

 

“Tyler sit still. You're making this more difficult than it should be.” Josh huffed. “I'm just trying to move you away from the edge.”

 

Tyler wiggled a few more times, before giving up and letting Josh move him a couple more inches towards the center of the bed. Joshs arm disappeared from his waist, and Tyler relaxed. Only slightly though, for he could feel Josh's body heat against his back.

 

“Now turn off the light and go to sleep.” Josh murmured, obviously dozing off.

  
Tyler reached over, turning off the light and rolling over. He stared into the darkness at what should be Joshs face and sighed. He closed his eyes, sleep far away, but in a few moments, he drifted away into a fitful sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so sorry for this chapter being short, i'm having writers block and a horrible lack of creativity which happens whenever i try and write something. I'm so sorry for this. But also school and stuff (I'm on summer break now) so I might have more time. Sorry again


	11. 11

Tyler groaned as he slowly felt himself waking up, the first thing his mind thought was to look over at Josh. Tyler sat up slowly trying to make as few noises as possible. When he sat up completely, he closed his eyes, rubbing the heels of his hands into his eyes. He didn’t have a headache or anything, he just wanted try and erase what had happened last night. He glanced to his left at a still sleeping Josh, before turning and looking at his clock. Bright red numbers made  _ ‘6:02’ _ and Tyler frowned slightly. He had basically a whole hour until school and he knew that he was in  _ no way _ getting back to sleep. His frowned deepened before his face relaxed as he realised he might as well just start getting ready for school.

 

_ “It’s something to do.” _ He thought.

 

He turned, trying to be as quiet as possible and stood. Josh snorted softly and Tyler turned, worried he was waking up, but the drummer just rolled over, pressing himself into the wall. Tyler snorted out a small laugh before turning and walking to his dresser, his carpet muffling his footsteps. He shuddered, realising he was in fact quite cold and turned to look over at his windows.

 

“Fuck.” He whispered, noticing they had left the window open.

 

He quickly shuffled over and closed it as quietly as he could, muttering innocent curses under his breath as he stepped on cold damp towels and carpet. Letting out another sigh, he made his way back to his dresser. He chose an outfit that fit the weather quite well. He pulled out a black t-shirt, a black and red flannel, and another one of his black hoodies. He also grabbed one of his various pairs of black jeans, adding it to the shirts before making his way to the bathroom. He entered, dropping his clothes next to the sink and walking over to the shower. He started it and walked back into his bedroom to retrieve his phone as he waited for the water to heat up.

 

Tyler stepped softly, trying to make sure Josh stayed asleep. He grabbed his phone from the bedside table and checked it’s percentage.

 

He exhaled in displeasure to find it was at 14% and he hadn’t plugged it in last night. He promptly grabbed his charger, plugging in his phone, and made his way back to the bathroom, displeased with the fact that he didn’t have his music to distract him. He stepped into the, now steamy and warm, bathroom and shed his clothes, stepping into the shower. He smiled as the warm water hit him perfectly and he reached up, adjusting the shower head so the shower hit his face. He stepped back, leaning against the wall, flinching at the cold tile. The shower now hit his chest and he stared at the rising steam, beginning to get lost in his thoughts.

 

The first thing to come to his mind was, obviously, the whole Josh dilema. First, how was he going to keep his emotions from getting in the way or getting to strong or getting to obvious? What if Josh got uncomfortable with him having these emotions? What if this messed up everything? What i _ f Ty _ **_ler fucked up everything like he usually does? What if he lost both of his friends because he doesn’t know how to keep a stable relationship? What if he just fUCKed uP?_ **

 

Tyler pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes as he felt his depression beginning to twist the questions.

 

“Stop it.” He whispered to himself. “Stop thinking about it.”

 

He moved his hands to the side of his face as he stuck his head under the stream, the warm water seeming to wash away his worries. Not too far though, he knew they were only a few feet down the stream and fully capable of crawling back over. He scrubbed his hair, then wiped his fingers over his eyes, attempting to clear the water as he reached for the shampoo. He put some in his hand and reached up, putting it on his hair and beginning to work it in. He washed his hair, closing his eyes and letting himself get relaxed by the feeling. He rinsed his hair after a few moments, before conditioning and then shutting off the water. He stood in the shower a moment longer, before reaching out and grabbing a towel (that he was 100% sure hadn’t been used) off of the drying rack and dragging it over his face. He exhaled into the towel, and he wasn’t sure why he needed to calm himself down.

 

He dried himself, before climbing out of the shower and reaching down to locate himself a pair of boxers amidst his pile of clean clothes. He shuffled around the clothes and felt worry creeping up.

 

“Please tell me I brought in a pair of boxers God, please.” He muttered, but it was to no avail.

 

He forgot to grab boxers.

 

He dragged his hand through his damp hair, deciding if he should walk out in his sweatpants and grab some, go in his towel, or just wear the pair from yesterday. He told himself he was definitely not wearing the same ones from yesterday and he wasn’t risking the towel, so he threw on his sweatpants, uncomfortable at the lack of briefs and opened the door to the bathroom.

 

He didn’t waste a moment, quickly shuffling over to his dresser while trying simultaneously to be comfortable. He pulled open his drawer hastily, making a few things on top of it shake, making some noise. The bed rustled, but a quick glance over his shoulder confirmed that Josh was still asleep. Tyler sighed, grabbing his boxers and hastily getting to the bathroom, nearly tripping over his own feet. Curse his clumsiness. He dressed himself, entering his room again to toss his clothes in his hamper. He crept over to his bed, checking the clock.  _ ‘6:26’ _ He still had time. He crept away from his bed, making it to the door, opening it as quietly as possible (which was pretty damn quiet save for a few creaks) and leaving, closing the door softly behind him.

 

The hallway was also carpeted, so walking to the stairs and down wasn’t much of a noise problem. He made it down the stairs and stepped on the cold polished wood floor, shivering slightly at the sudden cold. He tried to keep his steps light, making his way into the kitchen with only 2 medium loud creaks. The wood changed to tile, and this time Tyler didn’t shiver at the cold floor, his feet used to it. He stepped over to the counter, thinking of what he could do.

 

“Breakfast?” He whispered to himself, arching an eyebrow.

 

_ “No it’s not any special day.That’ll just look suspicious.” _ Tyler nodded in agreement with himself.

 

“Coffee for Josh and my parents?” He suggested again.

 

_ “Again, suspicious.” _ Tyler frowned.

 

“I could just tell them I woke up early and couldn’t sleep so I decided to make their coffee.” Tyler smiled at his excuse.

 

_ “Wouldn’t that make your parents worry? I mean as to why you couldn’t fall back asleep.” _ Tyler frowned again.

 

“Well I guess,” He ran his hand through his hair. “I’ll just tell them I woke up an hour before I usually do. It’ll be fine.”

 

_ “If you insist.” _ Tyler’s lips curved into a small smile and he walked over to the coffee pot and proceeded to make the coffee.

 

As the coffee brewed, he walked over to their back door looking out at the snow. The sun was rising but the gray clouds blanketing the sky made everything look…. Boring. Tyler exhaled on the glass, causing it to fog up. He drew a frowny face, mimicking his drawing before turning back to the kitchen. The coffee had finished. He walked back over and made 4 cups of coffee, one for Josh, his mom, his dad, and himself. He added sugar and milk to certain cups, some only sugar and some only milk and some both. When he was done, he left three cups on the counter and took his, going back up to his room.

 

He crept inside, closing the door as quietly as he could with only one hand available. He padded over to his window, setting his coffee on his desk. He grabbed a towel from the floor and gently pushed open the window. He reached out and laid down the towel, folding it so it was thicker. He leaned back in the house and walked over to the bathroom, grabbing another towel. He grabbed one of the pillows from his bed that had fallen and wrapped it in the dry towel before leaning out of the window and placing it on the towel on the roof. He pulled on the combat boots he had, grabbed his coffee, and climbed onto the roof. He only spilled a little bit of coffee, but it was fine. He turned, looking inside at his clock to check the time.  _ ‘6:54’ _ His alarm would go off in 6 minutes. Long enough.

 

He shut the window, leaning against it and staring out at his street. He sipped his coffee, trying not to burn his tongue. It was still snowing, but less heavily, like it was the last bits of snow the weather could throw up. It was quiet outside, snow doing an expert job at muffling noises. He shivered slightly, deciding that coming outside in only a hoodie and no other winter clothes was probably  _ not _ a good idea. He just shook his head slightly at his stupidity and put his empty out, palm up. Snowflakes landed on his palm, keeping from for only a moment before they had melted into a small droplet. He watched them, enjoying the sequence of events and sipped his coffee. After maybe a minute of doing that, he retracted his hand and put it in his pocket, looking up to stare at all of the falling snow again. He loved it when the world was like this. Blanketed in white, quiet, and everything seemed so peaceful. But he knew what came with it. Cold, depression, bad feelings. He frowned slightly as he continued staring and sipping.

 

The window in which he was leaning on moved and Tyler let out a startled squawk and leaned forward a bit, a few droplets of coffee splashing out. He turned around to see Josh leaning against the windowsill of the now open window. The boy had a light smile on his face and his arms were crossed on the windowsill.

 

“What’re you doing out there?” Josh raised his eyebrows.

 

“Drinking coffee and contemplating if my life has any true worth.” Tyler said with a straight face.

 

Josh sucked in air through his teeth and making a hissing noise. “I like the sound of the first thing, not so much the second.” He grinned.

 

Tyler rolled his eyes, a small smile involuntarily making it’s way onto his face. “Whatever.”

 

Josh smiled, and leaned away from the window. “Why are you up anyway?”

 

Tyler turned so his legs were near the window. “Take my coffee.” He reached, handing the coffee to Josh.

 

He then scooted forward, until his legs were hanging inside the window and he slid himself forward onto one of the towels from yesterday. He ducked, twisting his body to the side and got the rest of himself in. He turned and pulled the pillow and towel mess inside and onto the floor next to his feet.

 

“I woke up early and couldn’t get back to sleep.” He answered finally, closing the window.

 

“How early?” Josh sipped Tyler’s coffee.

 

“Give me that.” Tyler grabbed his mug from Josh, who only smiled. “6 o’clock.”

 

Josh sighed. “Oh okay only an hour.”

 

He then pointed to Tyler’s mug. “Any for me?”

 

Tyler rolled his eyes again. “Downstairs on the kitchen counter. Get dressed and have a shower first.”

 

Josh saluted. “Aye aye captain.”

 

If you saw Tyler, the way he rolled his eyes made it look like he was trying to roll them back into his head.

 

“Just go you dork.” Tyler shoved him, making Josh laugh.

 

Tyler smiled, the butterflies dancing in his stomach and he turned, leaving Josh to get ready.

 

\- - - - - - - - - - -

 

After, coffee, breakfast, explanations of appearance (Josh), usual morning banter, and motherly complaints about dressing warm, Josh and Tyler were at school. Josh had been forced to sit in the middle seat in the back, wedged between Tyler and Zack. Tyler wasn’t really complaining, but Zack was, mutter about how Josh’s skateboard was digging into his knee (even though it wasn’t) and complaining about the lack of space. The ride was short though, so soon they were at school and free of the cramped car. Despite the fact that they were 3 months into school, Tyler still hated the crowds and shuddered every time he saw the swarm of kids entering the school to get out of the snow and chill.

 

Tyler frowned, bringing up his shoulders and shoving his hands deeper into his pockets as they walked towards the school entrance. Josh must have noticed because suddenly the slightly taller boy was throwing his arm around Tyler’s shoulder and pulling him closer.

 

“Lighten up bro. And stop hunching your shoulders, you look like a cold baby bird.” Josh smiled at Tyler.

 

Tyler resisted the urge to roll his eyes, settling for a frown. “Why should I lighten up, we’re at school.” He then elbowed Josh lightly in the ribs,effectively freeing himself of Josh’s grip. “And screw you.”

 

“Do you ever smile?” Josh joked, earning him a shove from Tyler.

 

He laughed, before falling back into step with Tyler. “You should lighten up because school is a place of education! Where you learn new things everyday that change your life and make you smarter! Knowledge my friend, is why you should be happy.” He had started making wild and extravagant hand movements in the middle of his speaking, his voice mimicking an adult and walking ahead of Tyler.

 

Josh turned to Tyler, smiling. “I actually hate you I hope you know.” Tyler smiled.

 

“You love me.” Josh wrapped his arms around Tyler’s shoulders as Tyler caught up.

 

Tyler blushed, knowing that Josh knew full well that, he did in fact, love him. He didn’t try to push off Josh’s arm this time, and just let it rest over his shoulders as they walked into school.

 

\- - - - - - - -

 

“I’m giving up on life.” Tyler exclaimed at lunch, dropping his head onto the lunch table. “I no longer have the will to live.”

 

“Why would you say such a thing?” Jenna asked from the other side of the table.

 

“He got called on in Science and had no clue what we were doing so the teacher made him stand until he caught up.” Josh answered, prodding Tyler in the ribs. “Oh quit being so dramatic.”

 

Tyler just wiggled a little, letting out a sound like a dying bird. “But it was horrible and embarrassing Josh, I don’t want to live anymore.”   
  


“I bet, that sounds so mean!” Debby said from somewhere next to Jenna.

 

“Don’t fuel his dramatic tendencies.” Josh scolded them fakely.

 

“Yeah, we’ll end up with a full 10 scene play with an intermission.” Mark snickered.

 

Tyler looked up and glared at them both. “Expect to be smothered in the near future.”

 

“If it’s by your love, then I look forward to it.” Mark grinned toothily.

 

“I actually hate you.” Tyler said fighting back a smile.

 

“Offended.” Mark feigned offense, a hand going to his heart.

 

Jenna, Debby, and Josh snickered. Tyler rolled his eyes, sitting up fully and pulling his lunch out of his bag.

 

“Now, neither of you are getting any of my brownie.” Tyler smirked.

 

Mark shrugged. “If it’s not made by your mother, then I don’t want it.”

 

“Pity for you, cause it is.” Tyler smiled wider as Mark and Josh looked at him horrified.

 

“Tyler don’t be cruel.” Josh whined.

 

“What’s so good about his mother's brownies?” Debby asked, swallowing whatever she was eating.

 

“Yeah give us a taste.” Jenna looked as if she was trying to locate the treat.

 

Tyler smiled wickedly, breaking off a third of the brownie and breaking it in half. “Here.” He handed the pieces to Jenna and Debby, looking at Josh and Mark’s horrified faces.

 

The girls ate it, their faces immediately melting at how good it was.

 

“Ohmygod.” Debby said.

 

“You poor boys. You have forsaken yourselves from that good stuff.” Jenna shook her head.

 

“Tyler!” Josh and Mark cried simultaneously.

 

Tyler smiled then rolled his eyes. “Fine, only because I love you both.” He broke off two more pieces.

 

He reached to give them to Josh and Mark, but at the last second, pulled his hands away and put the brownie pieces in his mouth, smirking.

 

“You ass!” Josh lunged at Tyler, who let out a startled cry.

 

Josh attempted to steal some brownie, planting a hand on the table and reaching over Tyler to get at his arm. Tyler leaned back in his seat, holding onto one of the bars underneath the lunch table to keep himself upright whilst the other held onto the brownie up in the air away from Josh. Tyler laughed as Josh tried and failed to reach it and Josh got fed up with reaching, so he stood up and lunged for it. Tyler swiped it out of his reach and ducked into a ball holding it to his chest, giggling.

 

“You think you’re going to keep that brownie away from me?” Josh feigned venom in his words. “Well you thought wrong!”

 

Josh reached around Tyler, pressing himself close to Tyler as his hands tried to push their way through Tyler’s arms, which were pressed firmly to his sides. Tyler laughed as Josh’s hands involuntarily tickled him and he knew Josh would probably get to the brownie. He quickly ate the rest of the brownie, but stayed curled up.

 

“Give me the brownie.” Josh smiled, still trying to wedge his hands in.

 

“Fine!” Tyler laughed. “Back up and let me unfurl myself first.”

 

Jenna, Debby, and Mark were all snickering, careful not to laugh too loud as Tyler uncurled himself. They absolutely lost it as Tyler grinned, placing the empty cling wrap in Josh’s hand and Josh let out a sad noise.

 

“I hate you.” Josh huffed, sitting down and trying to glare at Tyler.

 

Tyler smirked at him and shrugged. “You love me.”

 

Josh punched his arm and pulled him into a headlock. “Maybe I do.” He whispered before beginning to noogie Tyler for his antics, Tyler protesting loudly in pain. 

  
Josh let him up and Tyler punched his arm, glaring at him. The group of friends went back to normal calm chatter but deep inside Tyler, the butterflies had multiplied and were positively hectic. And in Tyler’s head, Josh’s reply stumped him and made him want to curl up in bed and blush and scream. Because Tyler loved Josh, and maybe Josh loved Tyler.


	12. 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seasonal Depression

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i finally fucking updated and im proud  
> are you proud  
> thanks

It was happening again. The seasonal depression. The ever present darkness in his mind had grown bigger, nurtured by the cold yet again. It was Tyler’s least favourite time of year and his family knew that.

 

That’s why Tyler sat in his room at his desk at 2:00 on Monday afternoon, rhythmically tapping a the bottom of his pen on a piece of paper with words scribbled on it in no order. That’s how his mind was, except words took up most of the space and they weren’t pretty words. They were black and sharp, cutting at him each time they popped up. There were spaces in his mind that had the pretty words. Pastel and soft, trying desperately to push back the black, ugly words but only succeeding in barely keeping themselves there.

 

It was like this every time and Tyler hated it. The only way to get the words out of his head was to write them on paper. It wasn’t that simple though, no. That’s because the words weren’t clear, as if he couldn’t read them and they were just a  _ blur. _ Sometimes though, he would catch words and form sentences that he would quickly write on the piece of paper, anywhere. They never made any sense initially, but he would fix them. Use his pen to scratch, smooth and mold those sentences into something beautiful and just understandable. That is if you listened to them.

 

That took time and in winter, time wasn’t something Tyler had. He had to work fast or the words would get too much and he would end up where he was at the beginning of the year. Either in a hospital being nursed back to unbearable consciousness and health, or covered in a white sheet. He could work fast though. He could find those sentences and write them quickly and when he got enough sentences, he would work so hard on forming them into something  _ more _ . Something people would actually pay attention to. His mind would be so distracted, those ugly black words would have to work harder at getting to him and running him through over and over.

 

Tyler flipped around his pen, clicking it open, catching words and pulling them into a sentence.

 

**_“Slow you down.” “Struggle.” “Spineless.” “Let go.” “Blood.” “Over dramatic.”_ **

 

He wrote furiously, getting those words down before they blurred and disappeared.

 

_ “Blood is water.”  _ He thought.

 

He wrote.

 

_ “I’m just being dramatic.” _

 

He wrote.

 

_ “Mindless and spineless. I’m not in control.” _

 

He wrote.

 

_ “Struggle as hard as I can, millions of words like grains of sand will slow me down.” _

 

He wrote.

 

_ “I can’t let go.” _

 

He leaned back, looking at the sum of his thoughts. A couple of sentences.

 

_ I try desperately to run through the sand, _

_ As I hold the water in the palm of my hand. _

 

On another section of paper.

 

_ The sand will slow me down, _

_ And the water will drain. _

_ I’m just being dramatic. _

 

He stared at that paragraph, tapping his pen against his lip.

His pen.

 

He wrote.

 

_ The sand will slow me down. _

_ And the water will drain. _

_ I’m just being dramatic I’m only at it again, _

_ As an addict with a pen. _

 

He left it, looking at a lone sentence.

 

_ Mindless, spineless, and pretend _

 

_ “Pretend what?” _ He thought, biting his pen.

 

“Pretend wh-” He said out loud, cut off by his phone sounding.

 

He looked at it for a moment before reaching for it, looking at the name on the front of it.

 

Josh’s face smiled at him and he couldn’t help himself. He smiled back. He answered the call, putting his phone on speaker before setting it down next to the paper with the assorted sentences on it.

 

“Hey Josh, what’s up?” He spoke first, hearing Josh moving on the other side of the line.

 

_ “Hey dude. You didn’t show up to school today.”  _ More shuffling noises came from the phone.  _ “Are you okay?” _

 

Tyler smiled at Josh’s concern. Not a big smile. Only as big as his thoughts would allow it to stretch.

 

“I would say yeah, but that would be lying.” Tyler gave a half hearted chuckled.

 

_ “Then what’s up?” _ Josh sounded worried.

 

**_“He doesn’t actually care. He’s just pretending. He’s probably not even LIsteN Ing, just heEARiNg.”_ ** His blurry thoughts spat at him.

 

Tyler flinched.  _ “I don’t want to be heard, I want to be listened to.” _

 

He wrote.

 

_ “Tyler? Dude what’s up? What’re you doing?” _ Josh’s voice pulled Tyler back to reality.

 

“Uh, seasonal depression.” He said dismissively. “How come you’re calling me? Shouldn’t you be in class?”

 

_ “Uh, free period.” _ Josh mimicked Tyler’s dismissive tone, snickering.

 

Tyler glanced at his clock. School finished at 3:01. It was currently 2:30. Tyler knew full well Josh didn’t have a free period last period.

 

_“_ ** _He LIED. He doesn’t want you knowing that he doesn’t need you to be there with him. He’s pushing you away.”_** His blurry thoughts spurted obvious lies that Tyler couldn’t help but believe.

 

His breathing quickened.  _ “Did Josh not want him to know that he was out doing things? With other people? Was he trying to push him out?” _ Tyler was believing his thoughts.

 

He was finding it harder to breathe.

 

“Josh what are you doing where are you?” Tyler said quickly.

 

He didn’t want to believe. He didn’t want Josh to leave him. He needed to  _ know. _

 

_ “Hey Ty are you okay?” _ Josh sounded concerned again.

 

**_Lies._ **

 

“Josh where are you? What are you doing? I need to know I need- I need to know because I don’t want to believe it.” Tyler’s fists clenched and his eyes squeezed shut and he tried to block out his thoughts.

 

He wasn’t distracted and they were crowding him and he  felt enclosed because they were everywhere and he couldn’t, he couldn’t  _ breathe. _

 

He gulped for air, gripping his hair tightly, eyes wide.

 

“I can’t-” He gasped for air but it was all gone where  _ was it where was the AIR. _

 

_ “Tyler!? Tyler what’s happening!?” _ Josh’s voice raised in pitch.

 

**_He doesn’t care. There’s probably people laughing at you. They think your pain is funny._ **

 

“No I don’t want,” His eyes were watering and was it true? Were there people laughing?

 

He shook his head, trying to banish the thoughts but they were everywhere, leaving no space for air.

 

“I don’t want to,” He gasped. “I don’t- believe. No he- he cares.”

 

His vision was going black, like the words were taking over. Everything was blurry, his voice was distant. He heard Josh’s voice, crackling and distant, and muffled. He couldn’t make out the words.

 

“I need,” Tyler’s mouth opened and closed in a futile attempt to get air again. “Him, I need him here I need,”

 

**_To let go. He’s never coming for you. He won’t be here._ **

 

“No he - he will.” Tyler sobbed.

 

**_He won’t be here. But we will. We’ll always be here for you._ **

 

“You’re not - not good.”

 

**_We’re the truth. And the truth isn’t always good. We’re here for you. Always here we won’t go away._ **

 

“Go away. Go,” Tyler’s eyes were shut tight. “Go away.”

 

He was starting to scream with what air he had left.

 

“Go away! I don’t want you here!” He screamed.

 

“Leave me  _ alone. _ ” Tyler cried.

 

“Lea-” Arms wrapped around him, warm and strong, holding him steady.

 

Holding him down, holding him in place.

 

“I’m not leaving you alone.” The voice made his eyes open and his throat less restricting on the air.

 

“I’m not leaving you alone.” It said again.

 

His eyes saw his room, fuzzy, but it was his room. He looked down at the arms. Then to the left and his eyes were assaulted by the newly dyed blue hair.

 

“Josh.” He breathed.

 

His arms immediately wiggled out from where they were trapped against his body when Josh hugged him and instead went around Josh’s torso. Tyler buried his head in Josh’s shoulder, taking a deep breath.

 

“I don’t want you to leave me alone.” Tyler whispered.

 

\- - - - - - - -

 

They had sat like that for a while so that Tyler could catch his breath. When they broke apart, Josh stood, bringing Tyler with him so they could both sit on Tyler’s bed. Now the lay, Josh making curls in Tyler’s fluffy hair as Tyler scratched the hair at the nape of Josh’s neck. He stared at the now blue hair while he could feel Josh stare at his face.

 

“Blue.” He finally spoke.

 

Josh made a noise of comprehension. “Yeah. It’s a calming color. That’s what I was doing.”

 

Tyler nodded. “What time did you go?”

 

“After lunch.” Josh hummed.

 

Tyler nodded. "Are your parents going to be okay with it? Do they know?"

 

Josh gave a light chuckle. "No to both most likely. They were barely okay with me getting gages."

 

Tyler just hummed in response, continuing to stare at the blue locks, mesmerised.

 

“Are you okay?” Josh broke the silence this time.

 

Tyler looked down at Josh’s shirt. It was a black shirt with the word “Fallen” in fancy font and some other things about the company beneath it all in a circle. He wore a gray sweatshirt with it and the warmer coat was currently lying discarded on Tyler’s floor. His outfit looked nice on him.

 

“Tyler.” Josh spoke softly.

 

Tyler nodded.

 

“What happened?” The hand in his hair stopped moving in favor of just resting on his head.

 

Tyler looked up at Josh. “My thoughts.” He said simply.

 

Josh arched an eyebrow, signaling he wanted Tyler to elaborate.

 

Tyler gave a small sigh. “When you called and you didn’t tell me what you were doing, my blurry thoughts-”

 

“Blurry thoughts?” Josh interrupted.

 

Tyler shook his head, but not as if Josh was incorrect. “I call them that because they don’t appear clearly in my mind. They all blur together, no matter that they’re all as sharp as knives.”

 

Josh made a noise of comprehension, letting Tyler know he could continue.

 

“My blurry thoughts were telling me you weren’t listening to me and I knew you were lying because you don’t have free period last period and my blurry thoughts were telling me you were pushing me away.” Tyler paused, feeling ashamed at his next words. “And I believed them. I tried to deny it but since part of me believed it, that gave my thoughts a larger weapon. They told me you didn’t care and I started having a panic attack because I didn’t want you to leave me and I was trying to get you to tell me what you were doing but I couldn’t hear you because my thoughts were taking up too much space. I got so enclosed by them and I couldn’t breathe and they wouldn’t go away. I wanted them to go away.”   
  


Tyler gave a shaky sigh and Josh nodded, looking at Tyler with pity.

 

“Don’t pity me please. I don’t want it.” Tyler immediately hardened.

 

Josh’s face changed to an unreadable emotion. “Sorry.” He mumbled.

 

Tyler looked up into Josh’s eyes again, trying to read him.

 

“So that’s why you were saying go away and leave me alone. You were talking to them.” Josh observed.

 

Tyler nodded. “Sorry if it sounded directed to you.”

 

Josh gave a small smile. “Initially it did, but then I realised you were talking to your thoughts. It’s okay.” Josh ran his fingers through the singers hair again.

 

“Where’s your family? Do they know you’re home?” Josh’s brow furrowed and his lips pursed.

 

Tyler nodded again. “They know I’m home. And they’re at school. They should be coming home now though.”

 

They sat in silence again, just enjoying each other’s presence.

 

“Sorry I made you have a panic attack. I wanted to surprise you.” Josh said softly.

 

“I’d never blame you because it’s never your fault.” Tyler said truthfully, giving Josh a light smile.

 

Josh smiled back, staring at Tyler. They sat in silence again, but after a few short minutes Josh’s phone chimed. He shifted slightly to reach it and pull it out, tapping the screen a few times and blowing out a short breath.

 

“I have to go. Debby wants to go see a movie.” Josh shot Tyler an apologetic look.

 

Tyler nodded.

 

**_He’s abandoning you._ **

 

His thoughts were back. He squeezed his eyes shut.

 

“What are they saying?” Josh’s soothing voice pulled him away.

 

Tyler opened his eyes and let out a shaky breath. “That you’re abandoning me.”

 

Josh scanned Tyler’s face, a look of pure love and care covering his features.

 

“Never.” He said simply.

 

Josh lay still for a moment longer before speaking again. “I want to try something. See if it helps keep your blurry thoughts away. Can I?”

 

Tyler looked at him quizzically for a moment before nodding slowly. Josh smiled and before Tyler knew it, Josh was leaning forward and pressing a soft kiss to his forehead. Josh moved back, smiling at Tyler’s shocked face.

 

“I’ll come back later to make sure it worked.” Josh shuffled into an upright position, Tyler’s hand falling from his hair.

 

Josh caught his hand, pressing light kisses to his knuckles, causing Tyler to be even more confused and shocked.

 

The drummer stood up from Tyler’s bed and picked up his jacket off of the floor. Tyler rolled over to watch him leave, brows furrowed as he came up with something to say.

 

“What was the one on my hand for?” Tyler questioned.

 

Josh smiled softly at him. “To make sure you don’t beat yourself up while I’m not here.”

 

Tyler couldn’t help it. He smiled back at Josh.

 

“Thanks.” He said before Josh left.

 

“Anytime bro.” Josh gave Tyler his signature squinty eyed toothy smile.

  
Then Josh walked out of his room, flashing him a smile as he disappeared behind the wall and Tyler lay there, his depression pushed back by confused and happy thoughts. Tyler held his hand close to his chest as he smiled, curling close to himself and closing his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay what did you think cause im not sure if this is shorter than the rest and worse or same length and adequate  
> please let me know


	13. 13.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fall away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Panic Attacks, Thoughts of suicide
> 
> I made a chapter guys, I did it
> 
> I made this listening to the Twenty One Pilots station on Pandora and then Fall Away came on and I was like "IDEA" so I just ran with it. I had like 8 tabs open to help me with working on this chapter because I wanted it to be really good for you guys. 
> 
> I'm putting a trigger warning here in case cause Tyler has a panic attack but I don't know if it's needed or not but it's better to be safe than sorry.

Tyler wanted to scream.

 

He wanted to scream because screaming was cathartic. He wanted to scream because he hated Josh. He wanted to scream because he loved Josh. He wanted to scream because he was so damn  _ confused _ .

 

Why was he confused? Well maybe because Joshua Fucking Dun was the source of all good and evil in this world.

 

It all started that day when Tyler had his panic attack and Josh came to his rescue. Remember how Josh gave him those kisses on his forehead and knuckles? Well guess who just got a whole lot more of those. That wasn’t the problem though, no way because Tyler loved being kissed by Josh. Even if they were little pecks on hands or shoulders or his head. The problem was that Josh would then act like it was a completely normal friend thing to do and go right on back to his girlfriend when he knew he was causing Tyler to have a heart attack every freakin time.

 

Tyler was going to get an explanation out of that boy if it was the last thing he did.

 

“Hey Josh.” He broke the silence between them as they sat on the floor of his bedroom working on some random unimportant project for some random somewhat important class.

 

“Why do you keep kissing me?” He set down his marker, looking up at Josh with furrowed brows.

 

Josh looked up at him with raised ones from where he still sat hunched over the poster board. Then Josh was sitting up and looking Tyler up and down before smiling, like he took a moment to figure out what to say. That made Tyler frown and his anxiety spike a bit.

 

“Because you need them.” Josh said simply. “And you like them.” He continued as Tyler opened his mouth.

 

“I will not deny I like them, but who says I need them.” Tyler looked at Josh quizzically.

 

Josh smiled a smile that put the feeling of a fleece blanket to shame. It was a genuine smile that supported the amusement and care in his eyes.

 

“I say you need them, and so do you.” Josh’s smile turned to a closed mouth grin. 

 

Tyler raised an eyebrow for Josh to elaborate and he rolled his eyes and leaned closer to Tyler, supporting his head on a fist propped up by his knee.

 

“How often do you get panic attacks or very low lows when you have seasonal depression?” Josh cocked an eyebrow.

 

“I dunno,” Tyler looked down, fiddling with his hands. “Maybe 3-4 times a week.”

 

“Now, how many have you had in the past 2 weeks since that last panic attack?” Josh’s smile seemed to say he won.

 

But what did he win?

 

“3 panic attacks if I remember correctly and 2 low states…” Tyler trailed off.

 

That’s what he won.

 

“That’s why you and I both agree you need the kisses.” Josh smiled.

 

Tyler scowled. Stupid pretty boy.

 

“Well then, if those little kisses managed to only decrease it that much, how much would a full kiss do?” Tyler smirked, but inside his anxiety bubbled at the suggestion.

 

_ What if Josh thought he was going to far? What if he thought Tyler was d _ **_isGusTiNg?_ **

 

Tyler let it happen again. He let the blurry thoughts come back and he had been doing so well. He had been okay and now it was coming back.

 

_ Tyler let it  _ **_hApPEn aGAi_ ** _ n. You  _ **_sTU-_ **

 

Chapped cherry blossom lips pressed to his, making Tyler open the eyes he didn’t know he had closed. It felt like he had just drank a mug of hot coffee, filling his core with warmth. A weird scream echoed in the back of his mind as open hot chocolate eyes stared at eyelids covering over toasted marshmallow eyes. The scream of his fading blurry thoughts. Chapped cherry blossom lips moved against his as a calloused hands gently gripped the back of his neck, bringing Tyler back out of his head. Tyler closed his eyes and moved his lips against the chapped ones, tasting mint and coffee. What a weird taste. He leaned into it, wanting more, but then the lips were gone and his eyes opened as they moved away. This time his eyes connected with the eyelids previously hidden by the eyelids.

 

“So?” Josh smiled, hand still on the back of Tyler’s neck.

 

“Did you know that you are the biggest tease on the entire planet?” Josh laughed a G minor laugh.

 

“Baby boy, you haven’t seen me tease.” Josh chuckled, rolling his feet out from under him.

 

Tyler blushed and averted his eyes, turning back to the poster board. Josh’s phone chimed a moment later, as it always did when Josh kissed Tyler. Josh of course, checked his phone, tapped out a reply, and stood up from whatever they were doing.

 

“Hey, sorry. Debs wants to hang out at her place.” Josh began to stand up, slapping Tyler’s thigh with a smile. “So, I gotta go.”

 

Tyler frowned at Josh, and Josh laughed another laugh that resonated through Tyler’s bones.

 

“You’re so cute when you pout.” Josh said through his laughter. “But I have to go.”

 

Tyler relaxed, defeated and nodded. “It’s cool, go ahead.” He said weakly.

 

He didn’t want Josh to go, but he knew he had a girlfriend to tend to. Tyler on the other hand, did not. Don’t worry, Jenna and he are still friends and he does love her very much, he just couldn’t put her on the top of his list. He shoved that to the back of his mind, not wanting to think about how he nearly fucked that up.

 

“Hey, baby boy.” Josh said softly, crouching in front of him. “I’m not leaving you forever, just going to Debbie’s for a while. I’ll come back a promise.”

 

**_LieS.._ ** HIssed in the back of his head as he nodded to Josh, trying to ignore it.

 

“Promise?” Tyler sighed shakily, already feeling the cold spread through his bones.

 

Josh smiled softly at Tyler, his hands coming up to gently cup the side of his face. “I promise.”

 

“Do you promise to try and be okay while I’m gone?” Josh looked at Tyler pointedly.

 

Tyler nodded. “I-I promise.”

 

**_EmptY pr_ ** **_OmisES RUIN A_ ** **_relATIOnsh iP TYLER._ **

 

Josh smiled at him. “Good.” He began to stand up,

 

**_Look at that beAutIFUl boy you just lIED to Tyler. What will happen when he finds out about how you_** **_LIED? He’LL LEave because he kNOws you are jUST a liAR._**

 

Tyler’s breath caught in his throat as he stared at Josh.

 

“You’re wrong…” He whispered, but it was more a breath.

 

Tyler watched as Josh picked up his stuff and began to leave.

 

**_Jenna leFT you wHEN YOU lied about youR LoyALty to her did she NOT? WHAT maKEs Joshua heRe any DIFferent? Look, he waNTS to leave as fast as he can._ **

 

“He would- He would never- He doesn’t...” Tyler said weakly.

 

**_Joshua’s going to LEAve and then yiruewhopafhualonehfoaphopnofriendshuipafhejanobodyafphafiohaloseraiopfuioafdpathetic_ **

 

The words blurred together again and Tyler hated it when they blurred because he couldn’t diminish something so jumbled and foggy. He squeezed his eyes shut whimpering, and he covered his ears.

 

“No, please.” He whimpered.

 

He curled in on himself.

 

“I don’t want to fall away.” Tyler sobbed. “I don’t want to fall-fall away.

 

Tyler looked up and Josh was gone, already left and he sobbed harder.

 

**_We were right weren’t we Tyler? He LEFt wiTHOUt a look back._ **

 

“No…” Tyler started, but what could he say that would deny the truth.

 

**_See HOW PAthetic yoU are!?_ **

 

Tyler shakily got to his feet, tears now streaming steadily down his face as he stumbled to his desk. He swiped his hand across the surface to find anything,  _ anything _ at all that he could write with. He grasped his notebook, a pencil soon finding it’s way into his hand and he slumped in his seat.

 

**_You LIE AND hiDe becAUsE it’s what you DO and it DEstROYs everything you ruin evERYthing Tyler._ **

 

Tyler wrote.

 

Tyler sobbed.

 

Tyler tried to break the voice out of his head, tried to put it on paper.

 

**_You tell theEM you’re fine but YOu’re LYING Y OU’R NO T F INE_ **

 

Tyler wrote and wrote and wrote as the attacks kept coming until he slipped out of his chair, curled on he floor because they were too loud. The voices were too loud and Tyler didn’t want them. He didn’t want to hear them because they blocked out everything else in the world. Tyler cried, hands covering his ears, eyes clenched and his teeth biting his lip, drawing blood.

 

\- - - - -

 

This was how Josh found Tyler, 3 hours later.

 

Except Tyler wasn’t sobbing, he was just curled on the floor staring blankly at the wall. One hand held something in it, flipping it around in his fingers. But that’s all the movement he was doing other than the slight rise and fall of his chest.

 

Tyler didn’t see Josh, he was stuck inside his head and he looked to far into it to be pulled back out. He didn’t feel strong oak wood arms wrapping around him with the gentleness of a down feather. He didn’t see over toasted marshmallow eyes look into his. He heard a soft breeze voice speak to him, but it was a speck in the darkness surrounding him. What he did feel was chapped cherry blossom lips pressing to his and pouring the warmth of a hot coffee through his veins. What Tyler did feel was his eyes closing as he gripped onto the shirt of the body holding him. What he did feel was himself kissing back and hot tears beginning to flow down his cheeks again. He felt the cold metal of something small in his hand cutting into his skin. He felt himself pull away.

 

He saw concerned over toasted marshmallow eyes, soft watercolor hair, and slightly parted cherry blossom lips that put together a face like a perfect song. Tyler gripped Josh’s shirt harder and he felt the blood welling in his palm and he hissed slightly.

 

“Hey, hey it’s okay.” Josh murmured, pulling Tyler’s hand from his shirt and gently grabbing the razor from Tyler’s palm.

 

Tyler found his words again. “I was going to Josh, I wanted to I really wanted to. The voices were too loud and I couldn’t stop them and I tried so hard. I wrote and wrote but they wouldn’t go away and they just got too loud and-and” Tyler dissolved into a broken sobs again.

 

Josh wrapped him in strong oak arms and Tyler sobbed into his shoulder. They sat like that for a minute or two before Tyler finally sat up slowly, sniffling and staring down at the wet patch on Josh’s shoulder.

 

“I broke my promise…” Tyler whispered, tears beginning to from at the corner of his eyes.

 

He hated that. He hated how much he cried he hated how weak he was. He pulled his hands from Josh’s shirt and angrily wiped at the tears on his face.

 

“Hey,” Josh murmured reaching for his hands.

 

Tyler just rubbed at his face angrily, making little noises of frustration.

 

“Tyler.” Josh said a little more forcefully.

 

“I’m sorry I just hate crying and I can’t stop. I’m so weak sorry I just- God now I’m making it all about me I’m so sorry-” Tyler babbled as he continued to rub furiously at his eyes.

 

“Tyler.” Josh said sternly, but with an edge of plea in his voice as he grabbed Tyler’s wrists.

 

Tyler stared down at his lap, refusing to look at Josh.

 

“Look at me please.” Tyler stubbornly stared at his lap.

 

“Please Tyler.” Josh murmured, bringing Tyler’s hands down to rest in his lap as he tried to maneuver his face into Tyler’s line of sight.

 

Tyler finally looked up at Josh, feeling broken down and useless.

 

“I don’t care that you broke my promise, I should have thought about how you’re feeling right now and how people leaving affects you. I know you tried to keep your promise because you didn’t use the razor. I’m proud of you for that.” Josh said softly.

 

“You didn’t turn around Josh. Why didn’t you come back Josh?” Tyler choked out.

 

Josh opened his mouth but Tyler cut him off. “I was falling back and I tried to say something I tried to defend you but you didn’t even look back before you left. I couldn’t say anything to the voices to prove them wrong Josh. They were saying you were going to leave me and I was going to be alone. I was pathetic and you didn’t look back because you didn’t actually care and I couldn’t say no because you didn’t look back Josh and I was so scared that they were right and I believed them. I believed them Josh and I’m not blaming you I’m blaming me because I’m clingy and scared and everything is wrong with me but I want to know why you didn’t look back like you always do.” Tyler bit his lip to prevent the tears that he knew were trying to come back.

 

Josh was silent for a moment, biting his lip before he sighed. “I dunno Tyler. I don’t know why I didn’t look back. Maybe I forgot, maybe I thought you would be fine this time but I don’t know. I’m so sorry.” Josh looked defeated.

 

Tyler nodded, staring at Josh’s face, looking over his saddened features. He gently took Josh’s face between his hands and forced them to make eye contact.

 

“Don’t apologize Josh, because it’s my fault I’m so unstable.” Tyler whispered before connecting cherry blossom lips to his yet again.

 

When they pulled apart, he kept his eyes closed for a bit longer before opening them to stare at Josh’s.

 

“You’re the best and worst thing on this planet right now.” Tyler murmured.

 

“Why would you say that?” Josh gave a small smirk, his thumbs rubbing circles into Tyler’s hips where they had somehow found themselves during the kiss.

 

“Because you are my anchor, keeping me grounded, but you’re also the tallest tower I take the highest fall off of.” Tyler ran his hands through Josh’s watercolor hair. “I love it when you’re here and it kills me to see you go.”

 

Josh smiled at him, kissing his nose. “What is it that you wrote?”

 

Tyler sat up a little straighter before reaching onto his desk and pulling down a sheet of paper covered in words and crossed out sentences and another much cleaner and more organised. He placed the neater one into Josh’s hand, and then dropped his hands to Josh’s shoulders. 

 

“Fall Away.” Josh murmured the title of the song with what sounded like approval.

 

A few moments of silence went by before Josh was carefully placing the sheet of paper on the desk again and wrapping Tyler in his arms.

 

“Don’t worry baby boy, I won’t let you fall away.” Josh whispered into Tyler’s hair before kissing his head.

  
Tyler nodded into his neck, both of them staying like that until Josh pulled away before standing them both up. Tyler didn’t say a word or argue as Josh walked them over to the bed, laid down first before pulling Tyler against him. Tyler curled into Josh, breathing in the smell of clove and vanilla. Neither of them said anything, laying there as they slowly and eventually, fell into a soft and comfortable sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you guys like it and yes I realize the descriptor style is like that of "Stay in Place (Sing a Chorus)" but I wanted to test it out without using the exact adjectives to describe a person because I find it a very good way to describe people so I wanted to try it. Tell me what you think please!


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “So you don’t like this?” Josh raised an eyebrow with a cocky smile.
> 
> “Never said that, but it looks kinda gay and my parents could come in at any moment.” Tyler shrugged, sipping his coffee again.
> 
> Josh laughed for a moment, throwing his head back at Tyler's “It looks kinda gay.” comment. “Well considering it’s about 1 in the afternoon on a Monday, I’d say they won’t be coming in for another two or three hours.” Josh smiled. “Plus I’m pretty sure your parents are chill if you’re gay, it’s my parents we would have to be worried about.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OHMYGOD I DID ANOTHER CHAPTER WHAAAAAAAAT  
> but on the other hand it's shorter than the general average of chapters (which is 7 pages on google docs) so im sorry for that but i hope you enjoy

When Tyler woke up, he wasn’t surprised to see Josh still there. He wasn’t surprised when Josh smiled at him from where he sat on the edge of the bed and handed him a cup of coffee. He wasn’t surprised when Josh leaned over and kissed him on the forehead, because all of these things were Josh’s normal “take care of Tyler” routine. He’s used to Josh staying the night when Tyler has a particularly bad attack or needs Josh around to make sure he doesn’t lose himself when he’s feeling at his worst. He’s used to Josh being awake before him with a mug of coffee because, God knows panic attacks take a lot out of him and he needs some morning fuel. He’s used to Josh’s little kisses, because Josh and Tyler both know that a kiss on the forehead by Josh is the perfect way to start of Tyler’s day.

 

What Tyler was surprised by, was Josh sliding in the bed next to Tyler, then pulling him into his lap so Tyler was facing him, mug of coffee still in hand. Tyler stared down at Josh wide-eyed and shocked.

 

“What’s this about?” Tyler raised an eyebrow, still clutching his coffee.

 

Josh just shrugged, rubbing circles into Tyler’s hip with his thumb. “It’s comfortable, isn’t it?”

 

Tyler rolled his eyes. “So is both of us laying in bed with your arms around me, which is why we do that.”

 

“So you don’t like this?” Josh raised an eyebrow with a cocky smile.

 

“Never said that, but it looks kinda gay and my parents could come in at any moment.” Tyler shrugged, sipping his coffee again.

 

Josh laughed for a moment, throwing his head back at Tylers  _ “It looks kinda gay.” _ comment. “Well considering it’s about 1 in the afternoon on a Monday, I’d say they won’t be coming in for another two or three hours.” Josh smiled. “Plus I’m pretty sure your parents are chill if you’re gay, it’s my parents we would have to be worried about.”

 

Tyler spat out his coffee on Josh. “Sorry, WHAT!?”

 

Josh wiped a hand over his scrunched up face to wipe away the coffee, opening one eye to look at Tyler with a slightly amused look.

 

“What’s so surprising?” Josh chuckled.

 

“Well, mainly it’s a Monday and I should be at school doing school work and catching up on all the stuff I missed-” Tyler spoke quickly, all the while trying to wriggle out of Josh’s lap.

 

“Hey hey hey.” Josh laughed breathily, strengthening his grip on Tyler’s hips.

 

“Dammit Josh why didn’t you wake me up how could I forget it’s Monday god dammit I should’ve known and set more alarms..” Tyler rambled on, setting his coffee on the bedside table and continuing to wriggle.

 

“Tyler.” Josh said his voice in a joking voice.

 

“Josh just let me go I need to get up and call the school and go so I don’t fail this year...” Tyler pushed at Josh’s arms trying to get him off.

 

Why couldn’t Josh just let him go? He needed to get to school he needed to work he needed to keep up with his school work he needed to-

 

“Tyler.” Josh said softly, face in front of Tyler’s.

 

One hand was on his cheek, guiding him to look at Josh while another warm hand was pressed against his waist. God he could look into those eyes forever.

 

“Yeah?” Tyler finally responded, but it was more of a breath.

 

“Your dad told the principal when they went this morning. Your mom came in to wake you up and saw the messy state your room was in and saw me laying in bed with you and you sleeping and she understood. I wasn’t awake, but I was told this over the phone, I called your mom by the way. They said you were sick and needed to stay at home and called my parents for them to go along with my not going as well. They didn’t seem happy apparently but that’s a story for another day.” Josh gave a half-hearted chuckle.

 

They sat there silently for a moment before Tyler lifted his hand to Josh’s face, his thumb rubbing softly against his cheek.

 

“Earlier, you said the parents we should worry about seeing us together are yours.” Tyler broke off, staring at Josh’s lips momentarily. “Why?   
  


He stared at Josh staring at him for a moment, before Josh looked down and his other hand fell to Tyler’s hip again. He rubbed circles into his hips, and Tyler felt worry welling in his chest because Josh was never this quiet.

 

“Josh, what’s the problem?” Tyler whispered, his other hand going to Josh’s face and both of them tilting his face upwards.

 

“Do you-d’you know why I’m always out and not at home much?” Josh mumbled. “Why I always spend my time at your house or at Debby’s?”

 

Tyler shook his head, staring intently at Josh and the worry almost taking up the space in his body to breath.

 

“Well, I don’t know if I’ve told you this, but I’m a Christian. I know you are too, but I’m not sure if I’ve told you I am too. My parents take me to church every Sunday that I’m not going with you, they try to keep me to the Christian way of life, but not the way your parents do. Your parents are relaxed, but know how to enforce rules and make you keep to your faith. My parents, they’re die hard Christians. If they saw you and I how we are now, they would probably kill me for ‘sinning with another man.” Josh gave a half hearted chuckle with his air quotations. “My piercings, my hair dying, my drumming, all come at a cost. When I came home, after getting my ears pierced my parents screamed at me, when I got my nose peircing my father threatened me. My hair dying wasn’t as bad because hey, it’s hair, but my parents were anything but happy. When they found out I was listening to punk rock, rap, anything that wasn’t Christian they broke my CD’s and told me to never listen to it again. They were happy when I got with Debby because she looked like a nice girl to set me on the right track. I have no doubt that if they were to come to your house now to come get me, they wouldn’t hesitate to throw me out of the window.” Josh’s hands were still on Tyler’s hips, eyes finding the bedsheets extremely interesting.

 

Tyler stared at Josh intently, heart breaking in his chest. He didn’t know what to say, how to speak, how to comfort the person he loved the most in his life. So instead, he grabbed Josh’s face, tilted it up and then smashed their lips together. He felt Josh gasp into the kiss before kissing back, nothing but emotion going into the kiss. Tyler’s body overflowed with the warmth that Josh brought whenever they kissed, his body feeling as if it was on fire. Tyler felt Josh’s hands grip his hips tighter and one of Tyler’s hands moved from his face to the back of Josh’s neck, pulling him closer. They pressed close to each other, lips moving together and Tyler felt his lungs screaming for air, for him to stop and to breathe but  _ god _ did he never want to stop. He wanted to sit like this forever, in Josh’s lap, kissing him breathless. Just the two of them. But he realised that wouldn’t happen if he didn’t breathe, so reluctantly, he pulled back for air. He pulled back, sucking in air and he felt Josh move with him.

 

“Josh,” He breathed, putting a hand on his chest to stop him, giving a small chuckle as Josh pushed slightly against him.

 

“What.” Josh said in a soft fake whiney voice.

 

“We need air to live dumbass.” He giggled.

 

“You’re all the air I need to breathe.” Josh smiled goofily.

 

Tyler laughed, a small chuckle before kissing Josh on the nose and then staring into his eyes. His smile turned into a frown, a small one, but still there, and Josh noticed.

 

“What’s up Ty?” Josh murmured, rubbing soft circles into Tyler’s hips.

 

Tyler sighed, resting his forehead on Josh’s and closing his eyes. The hand left on Josh’s face move to his neck and both of his hands rested there, softly tugging on the curls at the nape of Josh’s neck.

 

He took a deep breath. “Debby.” He said, the word laced with guilt.

 

He felt Josh stiffen, before kissing Tyler softly. It was a short kiss, not meant to go anywhere and it felt beautiful.

 

“I’ll break up with her for you. I love her Tyler, but you are the most important thing on this planet to me, and if I have to, I will let her go.” Josh said seriously and it made Tyler go warm inside.

 

“What about your parents?” Tyler murmured.

 

Josh sighed. “Fuck them.” Tyler’s eyes widened. “I’m not letting them get in the way of you and I okay? I love you, and nobody can take that away.”

 

Tyler nodded, before kissing Josh again, just a small kiss. Tyler froze then, as he realised what Josh had just said and a blush creeped up onto his face. Josh noticed and smirked.

 

“So now you blush when we kiss? I don’t see how that works.” He joked.

 

Tyler looked down and away, suddenly shy. “Do you-do you mean it?” His voice barely carried above a whisper.

 

“Do I mean what?” Josh arched an eyebrow, his fingers stilling in favour of settling softly on Tyler’s hips instead.

 

“You-” Tyler glanced back at Josh, still blushing. “You said you loved me….”

 

Josh’s face relaxed into one of understanding.

 

“Do you mean it? Do you love me?” Tyler turned to look at Josh, staring up at him through his lashes.

 

“I mean it Tyler. I love you more than anything.” Josh said, pulling Tyler close to seal his confession with a kiss.

 

Tyler smiled into the kiss, throwing his arms around Josh’s shoulders and pulling him close. He felt Josh smile as well, his arms wrapping around his waist and pulling him even closer.

 

Josh rolled them over so he was on top of Tyler, and he pulled away before beginning to kiss Tyler all over his face and neck, sending the younger into a fit of giggles.

 

“I love you.” Josh said as he kissed Tyler’s neck. “I love you.” He said as he kissed Tyler on his squeezed shut eyes. “I love you.” He said with every kiss he put on the boy.

 

Tyler laughed, his chest overflowing with happiness and he could stay like this forever. He could stay like this, with Josh, the boy kissing him all over his face and neck declaring his love continuously because this is exactly where he wants to be. When Josh stopped he looked at Tyler, staring into his eyes with the widest smile he has ever seen. Tyler smiled right on back and then leaned up to kiss Josh’s nose, arms still wrapped around the elder mans neck.

 

“I love you.” Josh whispered, staring into Tyler’s hot chocolate eyes.

 

Tyler felt the warmth and happiness explode in his chest all over again. “I love you too.” He murmured.

  
And the smile that blossomed on Josh’s face, was something Tyler wanted to bottle up and stare and see infinitely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i wonder if any of you noticed i didn't write anything about them playing the homecoming???? well i completely forgot to write it and i don't really know how to fit it in so i'll try and figure it out and maybe just maybe stick it in a flashback?????? i dunno suggestions for how to stick it in would be amazing


End file.
